midnight

I wish I lived in an environment where I were more encouraged to get a good night's sleep.

I think about it, and we as a people are way more pressured to stay up late, get things done, deadlines deadlines!! rather than to take it easy, enjoy the ride, and sleep when you need to.

I know my version of sleep is biased - some people only need 4 hours, and they're fine. I'm not one.

I need to be my own boss, start some kind of home business - where the day starts when I wake up, not necessarily that I wake up when the day starts. Is there a way to integrate that with teaching homeschoolers? I suppose I could be some kind of online teacher through email or videos or something.

The amount of time I need daily for things I should do, things I want to do, and things that will keep me sane adds up to way more than 24 hours. Which one gets cut?

midnight

I wish I lived in an environment where I were more encouraged to get a good night's sleep.

I think about it, and we as a people are way more pressured to stay up late, get things done, deadlines deadlines!! rather than to take it easy, enjoy the ride, and sleep when you need to.

I know my version of sleep is biased - some people only need 4 hours, and they're fine. I'm not one.

I need to be my own boss, start some kind of home business - where the day starts when I wake up, not necessarily that I wake up when the day starts. Is there a way to integrate that with teaching homeschoolers? I suppose I could be some kind of online teacher through email or videos or something.

The amount of time I need daily for things I should do, things I want to do, and things that will keep me sane adds up to way more than 24 hours. Which one gets cut?

frustration

I have so much I want to say, to write, and I delete every paragraph I start.

Why do I seek out my communication in multiple-person interaction, and shy away from attempts to communicate with myself?

frustration

I have so much I want to say, to write, and I delete every paragraph I start.

Why do I seek out my communication in multiple-person interaction, and shy away from attempts to communicate with myself?

Peace? what peace?

Bombs. Drugs. Cats. Livejournals. Phone calls. Alarm clocks. Music. Homework. Math. Terrorists. Anthrax. Gas. Cars. Cell phones. TV. Movies. Books. Comics. Mudding. Video games. Clothes. Football. Thai food. Boston. Webpages. ID cards. Sacramento. Phones. Chocolate. Money. Family. Sex. Work. School. Webcomics.

Peace? what peace?

Bombs. Drugs. Cats. Livejournals. Phone calls. Alarm clocks. Music. Homework. Math. Terrorists. Anthrax. Gas. Cars. Cell phones. TV. Movies. Books. Comics. Mudding. Video games. Clothes. Football. Thai food. Boston. Webpages. ID cards. Sacramento. Phones. Chocolate. Money. Family. Sex. Work. School. Webcomics.

analysis/analogy

Whatever is messing me up is a three-dimensional problem, and I am attempting to fix it with patches and fixes to the two-dimensional variables. There's a z floating around that I've never seen and dealt with, and can't comprehend, but until I find where it is and what it's doing I'll never be fixed.

analysis/analogy

Whatever is messing me up is a three-dimensional problem, and I am attempting to fix it with patches and fixes to the two-dimensional variables. There's a z floating around that I've never seen and dealt with, and can't comprehend, but until I find where it is and what it's doing I'll never be fixed.

right.

so I've done pretty well at forging myself a materially-independent lifestyle - I pay my own rent, car payments, food, fun, gas, insurance - the only thing I don't pay for is my tuition. Maybe this is somehow connected?

However, being spritually and emotionally and intellectually independent is failing miserably. Anyone know of a good deserted island?

right.

so I've done pretty well at forging myself a materially-independent lifestyle - I pay my own rent, car payments, food, fun, gas, insurance - the only thing I don't pay for is my tuition. Maybe this is somehow connected?

However, being spritually and emotionally and intellectually independent is failing miserably. Anyone know of a good deserted island?

(no subject)

I am fucking trying to communicate, and the world is dead.

This is not about school, or work, or free time.

(no subject)

I am fucking trying to communicate, and the world is dead.

This is not about school, or work, or free time.

hmm

should I be the one taking the initiative, and saying "let's not talk about happy stuff, I'm really upset and fucked up and want to talk about it"?

I mean, everyone says "yes I've read your livejournal", and then they go on to talk about inane happy shit.

I don't want to pretend to be happy. That's what happens every other time, I start to feel better and I just forget that anything is wrong and start acting like everything is okay, and nothing gets changed. I certainly don't know what to fucking do...

It's sucky because there's movies going on at Karen's that I could go and pretend to watch and be into and act like nothing's going wrong, but I'd be lying. Something is wrong.

I'll just go to bed.

hmm

should I be the one taking the initiative, and saying "let's not talk about happy stuff, I'm really upset and fucked up and want to talk about it"?

I mean, everyone says "yes I've read your livejournal", and then they go on to talk about inane happy shit.

I don't want to pretend to be happy. That's what happens every other time, I start to feel better and I just forget that anything is wrong and start acting like everything is okay, and nothing gets changed. I certainly don't know what to fucking do...

It's sucky because there's movies going on at Karen's that I could go and pretend to watch and be into and act like nothing's going wrong, but I'd be lying. Something is wrong.

I'll just go to bed.

Inter402 is Jason

Inter402 (11:36:16 PM): you're trying to pin the blame on something
Inter402 (11:36:30 PM): and you're very skeptical of getting outside help besides your friends or yourself
Inter402 (11:36:36 PM): I think that's a mistake
Inter402 (11:36:42 PM): on both counts
Inter402 (11:36:57 PM): first because you're trying to find one single problem to nail down, and it's probably a lot of things
Inter402 (11:37:17 PM): secondly, because none of the people you are asking for advice are people who should be giving you the kind of advice you really need

Discuss. No, really. Someone write a comment, please. One that relates to this discussion.

Inter402 is Jason

Inter402 (11:36:16 PM): you're trying to pin the blame on something
Inter402 (11:36:30 PM): and you're very skeptical of getting outside help besides your friends or yourself
Inter402 (11:36:36 PM): I think that's a mistake
Inter402 (11:36:42 PM): on both counts
Inter402 (11:36:57 PM): first because you're trying to find one single problem to nail down, and it's probably a lot of things
Inter402 (11:37:17 PM): secondly, because none of the people you are asking for advice are people who should be giving you the kind of advice you really need

Discuss. No, really. Someone write a comment, please. One that relates to this discussion.