the sharp hint of new tears

[juldea]

What kind of relationships would we have if the long, passionate, unedited rants we rehearse in our heads when we're alone, wishing someone else were in front of us listening without interruption, actually came to light without strict revision?

I get a small feeling of deja vu writing this, as if I have posted something similar in the recent past. Ah well.

Comments

[descant.livejournal.com]

I think that we would all learn how to be more honest with each other.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Part of me thinks that... and part of me thinks that instead we'd all shrink away from each other and relationships at all. After all, honesty is scary and not always the thing that causes the least amount of strife...

[descant.livejournal.com]

It really depends on maturity and how polite we all are to each other. Some people get defensive with honesty. Some people get very hurt. Some people actually like it, no matter how scathing it is.

I've always been a believer of honest and open communication. None of us are perfect at it or are all times the best time to engage in such .. but it's what I personally believe. *shrugs*

[tramissa.livejournal.com]

I have to agree to this. I was in a situation recently where I broke up with my bf. Rather than him coming out and telling me that 'I've found someone I want to be with more', he made a lot of platitudes and kept telling me how special I was blah blah but that he couldn't cope with the situation (distance). So I wasted a lot of time and energy, not to mention emotional anguish, to try and figure out a way around the situation, when it was all for nothing anyway. If he had only come out with the first statement in the beginning, it may have hurt more initially, like a slap on the wrist, but it wouldn't have been drawn out, days when I could barely eat or sleep for worrying over things. And I had to foce him to admit it in the end anyway, but by then I'd already drawn my own conclusions ;)

Honesty may be harder to deal with initially, but I'll take it any day over censoring and platitudes.

[descant.livejournal.com]

I think that people cause more trouble trying to be nice because then they be all nice and polite but then go around behind people's backs to complain. It destroys trust.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Oh honey... I didn't know what had happened. That sucks. *hugs*

[tramissa.livejournal.com]

yeah, it sucks...but...I dunno, I'm dealing with it a lot better than I thought I would. Especially now that I have the truth. And it opens up a lot of things that I wanted to do but was putting off or couldn't do..so I have lots of stuff to look forward to :) which helps a lot.

I didn't want to post stuff about it because Pat still reads my lj and we're TRYING to rebuild a friendship..not sure how that is going to go yet, but I still didn't want a lot of antagonisment, which was bound to happen if I posted.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Nod, I think that if that situation were to happen with me and I posted it, there'd be a lot of people commenting offering to kill him off and that's not really good for keeping a friendship...

I'm glad you're dealing with it well. *hug*

[jester-king.livejournal.com]

Now who do you know that would threaten bodily harm to someone just for hurting you?

[juldea.livejournal.com]

You are indeed in that list, Tim dear.

[jester-king.livejournal.com]

A) I never threatened bodily harm, I kinda liked the guy, I'da killed him painlessly

B) I'm sure that list is pretty long :-p Somehow I doubt I'd have a chance of doing anything fun to anyone while you're so far away

Hehe

[sin-vraal.livejournal.com]

I'm more of the 'mentally/emotionally destroy' variety of person-who-hurt-Julia-hurter.

Re: Hehe

[juldea.livejournal.com]

For the record, Tim is referring to someone else (not Jason).

[diego001.livejournal.com]

I know it's not fully possible to do that, but I do try to.

I feel honesty is the best policy.

[jester-king.livejournal.com]

relationships would be a lot more interesting that's for sure

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

I think I'm thinking differently from everyone else. I find my edited versions are much more effective at communicating why I'm upset about things. My unedited versions would be full of cussing and purposely hurtful words, and I don't think there's a place for those in mature conversations, even fights.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

Gotta agree with your there. First drafts are not for the person the letter (conversation/whatever) is addressed to; first drafts are for me. THey (sort of) get the anger out so I can be a bit more rational and less, to quote you, "purposely hurtfull."

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

Yes! It goes from "You fucking asshole, I hate you and want you to die so I can get the life insurance money" to, well, something a little more helpful.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

*laughs so much she starts coughing*

Probably not the RIGHT type of response, but hey...

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I am thinking along similar lines.

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

Oh. For some reason I read your post as censoring your feelings, not your harsh words.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

No. I might dilute the feelings if, well, otherwise I'd have to use harsh words... but mostly the rehearsals are for rambling around and getting the right words.

The question is, so much more than I realize is probably edited out with those words... so what if I could keep them in?

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

Right. I have run into long-term problems from always censoring so much that I manage to not convey that I AM ANGRY about X, Y, and Z. It's okay to BE angry, and to TELL the other person that you're angry. It's just how you express it that can make or break it.

[sammid.livejournal.com]

I agree...I don't think I'd have a relationship if I always said exactly everything that ran through my mind.

[ratbastrd.livejournal.com]

In my case, the mental relationship rants are generally never really intended to see the light of day. They're just sort of my way of hashing out the issues with myself, I get into long internal arguments and kind of get alot of it out of my system, so I can be a little more rational when I actually talk to her about whatever's going on...

[juldea.livejournal.com]

*nods*

[crazybone.livejournal.com]

The truth is what it is, but there are different ways to
tell it.
There is the shotgun-to-the-chest-from-point-blank-range verson.
There is the wiffle-ball-bat version.
Then there is the nerf version.

What version I give people usually depends on what level of cluefulness they have and whether I've calmed down from rant stage
or not.