(no subject)
21 January 2003 02:44![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juldeaI have two stories to tell.
In late 1998, Nick Burnett and I broke up for the final time. We had been dating off and on (mostly on) for two years, since I had moved to Edmond in fall 1996. The breakup was sparked by me. We were talking online while he was at work, and I made an offhand comment about his job (in general, not applying directly to him). Neither of us remembers the content of what I said, except that to me it was a simple comment and to him it was a low, dirty, mean jab. He took it personally. For a few weeks, no amount of, “But I didn’t mean it that way!” could convince him to stop being mad at me (plus the fact that originally, when he expressed his hurt anger at my statement, I didn’t handle my end well). Eventually we both calmed down, but the end had come.
Around six months later I went through another breakup, this one entirely my doing. I had been dating Gary Martin for about four months, and we were both head over heels for each other. The problem was, however, that he also was in love with Everquest. He was the type to be sucked into it and forget anything else existed – including me. Of course, if I went to his house and reminded him of my existence, everything would be fine and I would be lavished with attention. BUT... he wasn’t giving me what I considered necessary to get from a boyfriend. Consideration, time, effort. I had to fight for a relationship with him. That was the problem, plain and simple. Even though we loved each other, it wasn’t enough. There were better relationships out in the world, waiting for me, and I had the right to seek them. I would have to cut free in order to do that, though, and so I did. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, because he didn’t understand and it tore him up. I wish we were still friends, but I don’t even know how to find him anymore.
So, how many of you think that these stories are a prelude to me announcing a breakup with Jason? You’re wrong. Jason and I are doing great at the moment.
The point is more that I’m breaking up with most of the people who live in Norman (and a few that don’t).
Some of you have hurt me, although maybe you didn’t mean to. Some of you just simply can’t give me what I think is necessary in a friendship. Some of you have friendships I have to struggle to gain. Some of you... all of these reasons.
I’m washing my hands of it. I have too much to worry about and deal with to waste energy trying to rebuild bridges, or fight for friendships that I shouldn’t have to fight for. If you send me emails, they will be deleted. If you try to call me, I will hang up. If you come to my apartment, I will not answer the door.
If this hurts your feelings, I am probably sorry.
In late 1998, Nick Burnett and I broke up for the final time. We had been dating off and on (mostly on) for two years, since I had moved to Edmond in fall 1996. The breakup was sparked by me. We were talking online while he was at work, and I made an offhand comment about his job (in general, not applying directly to him). Neither of us remembers the content of what I said, except that to me it was a simple comment and to him it was a low, dirty, mean jab. He took it personally. For a few weeks, no amount of, “But I didn’t mean it that way!” could convince him to stop being mad at me (plus the fact that originally, when he expressed his hurt anger at my statement, I didn’t handle my end well). Eventually we both calmed down, but the end had come.
Around six months later I went through another breakup, this one entirely my doing. I had been dating Gary Martin for about four months, and we were both head over heels for each other. The problem was, however, that he also was in love with Everquest. He was the type to be sucked into it and forget anything else existed – including me. Of course, if I went to his house and reminded him of my existence, everything would be fine and I would be lavished with attention. BUT... he wasn’t giving me what I considered necessary to get from a boyfriend. Consideration, time, effort. I had to fight for a relationship with him. That was the problem, plain and simple. Even though we loved each other, it wasn’t enough. There were better relationships out in the world, waiting for me, and I had the right to seek them. I would have to cut free in order to do that, though, and so I did. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, because he didn’t understand and it tore him up. I wish we were still friends, but I don’t even know how to find him anymore.
So, how many of you think that these stories are a prelude to me announcing a breakup with Jason? You’re wrong. Jason and I are doing great at the moment.
The point is more that I’m breaking up with most of the people who live in Norman (and a few that don’t).
Some of you have hurt me, although maybe you didn’t mean to. Some of you just simply can’t give me what I think is necessary in a friendship. Some of you have friendships I have to struggle to gain. Some of you... all of these reasons.
I’m washing my hands of it. I have too much to worry about and deal with to waste energy trying to rebuild bridges, or fight for friendships that I shouldn’t have to fight for. If you send me emails, they will be deleted. If you try to call me, I will hang up. If you come to my apartment, I will not answer the door.
If this hurts your feelings, I am probably sorry.
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no subject
since everyone seems to be clearing the air i did want to say that i'm sorry i didn't see you over christmas. i had planed to give you a call but once i got into town my mind went blank. there is probably a good 15-20 people i wanted to see but never found a way to.
i can't say that i blame you for your decision to split from your old group of friends. god knows i've often thought about telling everyone in norman to kiss my ass, and then move to new york and change my name. still i must admit that your tactic seems a bit harsh. i suppose everyone has different ways of dealing with things. had it been me i would have just attempted to fade into the wood work and go on living a nice peaceful life without those who cause me grief. if i was to read an emotion into your post it would have to be either anger or bitterness. in my experience anger leads to anger leads to bitterness leads to more anger and in the end you just die unhappy. but then again everyone deals with things differently...