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21 January 2003 02:44![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juldeaI have two stories to tell.
In late 1998, Nick Burnett and I broke up for the final time. We had been dating off and on (mostly on) for two years, since I had moved to Edmond in fall 1996. The breakup was sparked by me. We were talking online while he was at work, and I made an offhand comment about his job (in general, not applying directly to him). Neither of us remembers the content of what I said, except that to me it was a simple comment and to him it was a low, dirty, mean jab. He took it personally. For a few weeks, no amount of, “But I didn’t mean it that way!” could convince him to stop being mad at me (plus the fact that originally, when he expressed his hurt anger at my statement, I didn’t handle my end well). Eventually we both calmed down, but the end had come.
Around six months later I went through another breakup, this one entirely my doing. I had been dating Gary Martin for about four months, and we were both head over heels for each other. The problem was, however, that he also was in love with Everquest. He was the type to be sucked into it and forget anything else existed – including me. Of course, if I went to his house and reminded him of my existence, everything would be fine and I would be lavished with attention. BUT... he wasn’t giving me what I considered necessary to get from a boyfriend. Consideration, time, effort. I had to fight for a relationship with him. That was the problem, plain and simple. Even though we loved each other, it wasn’t enough. There were better relationships out in the world, waiting for me, and I had the right to seek them. I would have to cut free in order to do that, though, and so I did. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, because he didn’t understand and it tore him up. I wish we were still friends, but I don’t even know how to find him anymore.
So, how many of you think that these stories are a prelude to me announcing a breakup with Jason? You’re wrong. Jason and I are doing great at the moment.
The point is more that I’m breaking up with most of the people who live in Norman (and a few that don’t).
Some of you have hurt me, although maybe you didn’t mean to. Some of you just simply can’t give me what I think is necessary in a friendship. Some of you have friendships I have to struggle to gain. Some of you... all of these reasons.
I’m washing my hands of it. I have too much to worry about and deal with to waste energy trying to rebuild bridges, or fight for friendships that I shouldn’t have to fight for. If you send me emails, they will be deleted. If you try to call me, I will hang up. If you come to my apartment, I will not answer the door.
If this hurts your feelings, I am probably sorry.
In late 1998, Nick Burnett and I broke up for the final time. We had been dating off and on (mostly on) for two years, since I had moved to Edmond in fall 1996. The breakup was sparked by me. We were talking online while he was at work, and I made an offhand comment about his job (in general, not applying directly to him). Neither of us remembers the content of what I said, except that to me it was a simple comment and to him it was a low, dirty, mean jab. He took it personally. For a few weeks, no amount of, “But I didn’t mean it that way!” could convince him to stop being mad at me (plus the fact that originally, when he expressed his hurt anger at my statement, I didn’t handle my end well). Eventually we both calmed down, but the end had come.
Around six months later I went through another breakup, this one entirely my doing. I had been dating Gary Martin for about four months, and we were both head over heels for each other. The problem was, however, that he also was in love with Everquest. He was the type to be sucked into it and forget anything else existed – including me. Of course, if I went to his house and reminded him of my existence, everything would be fine and I would be lavished with attention. BUT... he wasn’t giving me what I considered necessary to get from a boyfriend. Consideration, time, effort. I had to fight for a relationship with him. That was the problem, plain and simple. Even though we loved each other, it wasn’t enough. There were better relationships out in the world, waiting for me, and I had the right to seek them. I would have to cut free in order to do that, though, and so I did. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, because he didn’t understand and it tore him up. I wish we were still friends, but I don’t even know how to find him anymore.
So, how many of you think that these stories are a prelude to me announcing a breakup with Jason? You’re wrong. Jason and I are doing great at the moment.
The point is more that I’m breaking up with most of the people who live in Norman (and a few that don’t).
Some of you have hurt me, although maybe you didn’t mean to. Some of you just simply can’t give me what I think is necessary in a friendship. Some of you have friendships I have to struggle to gain. Some of you... all of these reasons.
I’m washing my hands of it. I have too much to worry about and deal with to waste energy trying to rebuild bridges, or fight for friendships that I shouldn’t have to fight for. If you send me emails, they will be deleted. If you try to call me, I will hang up. If you come to my apartment, I will not answer the door.
If this hurts your feelings, I am probably sorry.
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Re:
on 22 Jan 2003 07:49 (UTC)I'm sorry that I took so long to try to contact you, and that was not entirely just not knowing that you hadn't heard. I could have called you right away rather than trusting to LiveJournal. But I also had all sorts of trepidation about the recording process. Chris, Thom, and I are the only people that don't seem to find it super frustrating. No one else has recorded anything, except Dave, when he was in town for the holidays. Penny came along once, and got frustrated and went home. I'm really open to the idea of other people recording things, be they gæa spores or not, but in practice it's much more difficult to make it a rewarding experience for them. You are more useful than Penny, because you play some instruments that we don't and can sing girl vocals. And you like running the mixer; Penny feels like that's a busy-work job. But I think that you also have a real need to feel like you're included in the band not just because we don't want to hurt your feelings, and at most recording sessions, two people is all it takes. I don't think I actually did anything at the last one. I am cool with that, but most people don't seem to be able to. So, by being worried about whether recording would actually be a good thing for you, I ensured that it would be a bad thing. Oops.
Beyond that, I didn't really know how things stood between you, Penny, and Chris, and thought that might make things more awkward. Neither of them seemed at all interested in having you play.
Everything I've said was not a reason for excluding you, but it was why I was slow and wishy-washy about it.
I really, honestly was hoping to see you at the dinner party this weekend, and talk about it then. I guess if you are breaking up with all your old Norman friends, then that's out. You are still welcome, but it is completely understandable if you don't come.