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juldeaSo, I've figured something out. This might make some people feel guilty; that's not my intent. It's one of those facts-of-life things and I'm not trying to make anyone change. I'm just vocalizing something I have worked out. There's probably a lot of fault that lies on me, too.
I believe the reason why I am often unsatisfied with my social dynamics in Norman is that I do not feel that anyone ever wants to spend time with specifically me. I know that I am often overcome with the urge to hang out with X, do homework with Y, or share my feelings with Z. I do not feel that I inspire similar urges in other people to hang out with me.
I feel that anyone I consider a best friend in Norman (I will use the feminine pronouns for simplicity) has another person in Norman that she considers better friends to her than I am. [I apologize for the construction of that sentence.] I am probably closest to Jason out of anyone in the world, but there are people in Norman who do not fall far behind. However, I don't feel like I stand with them in similar places. I really like X a lot, but X likes Y more than she likes me, and therefore I'll more often see her initiating social stuff with Y than with me. I'm welcome to join, if I ask, but (relating to the first point) my presence isn't desired as much as Y's is...
Actually, this applies as much to non-Norman people as to Norman people, with the exception of Jason. Friends in other cities/states/countries that I desparately wish I had the ability to visit would more likely want someone else to visit if they had to choose.
It just sucks. I don't know if I should expect things like human interaction to be fair, but I feel like for the love/etc I'm giving out, I should get the same in return. It makes me think there's reason for being a hermit - you're never disappointed.
I originally had "disallow comments" checked because I really don't want to read a slew of "oh Julia, you know I love you, blahblah" comments that don't actually relate to the points I'm making (I don't doubt that most of you LIKE me, even love me), or "oh julia, [insert justification here]" comments that won't actually justify what I feel is an unfair situation. However, if you feel you have something relevant to say that won't just aggravate the situation, I have unchecked that box and you can now comment.
I believe the reason why I am often unsatisfied with my social dynamics in Norman is that I do not feel that anyone ever wants to spend time with specifically me. I know that I am often overcome with the urge to hang out with X, do homework with Y, or share my feelings with Z. I do not feel that I inspire similar urges in other people to hang out with me.
I feel that anyone I consider a best friend in Norman (I will use the feminine pronouns for simplicity) has another person in Norman that she considers better friends to her than I am. [I apologize for the construction of that sentence.] I am probably closest to Jason out of anyone in the world, but there are people in Norman who do not fall far behind. However, I don't feel like I stand with them in similar places. I really like X a lot, but X likes Y more than she likes me, and therefore I'll more often see her initiating social stuff with Y than with me. I'm welcome to join, if I ask, but (relating to the first point) my presence isn't desired as much as Y's is...
Actually, this applies as much to non-Norman people as to Norman people, with the exception of Jason. Friends in other cities/states/countries that I desparately wish I had the ability to visit would more likely want someone else to visit if they had to choose.
It just sucks. I don't know if I should expect things like human interaction to be fair, but I feel like for the love/etc I'm giving out, I should get the same in return. It makes me think there's reason for being a hermit - you're never disappointed.
I originally had "disallow comments" checked because I really don't want to read a slew of "oh Julia, you know I love you, blahblah" comments that don't actually relate to the points I'm making (I don't doubt that most of you LIKE me, even love me), or "oh julia, [insert justification here]" comments that won't actually justify what I feel is an unfair situation. However, if you feel you have something relevant to say that won't just aggravate the situation, I have unchecked that box and you can now comment.
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no subject
on 28 Aug 2002 19:26 (UTC)And also, I returned just a couple days before school and work started, so I haven't gotten to throw MYSELF out into the fray yet. I came home to goldbug but I really haven't called people up and said, "I'm back, hang out with me!" It's more like I've run into people on campus, or found myself in a position to drop by and see them (Elise). I haven't had time to see you, Chris, Chris, Chase, Thom, and any number of other people yet. But I really want to!!
Maybe I should throw a party.
no subject
on 28 Aug 2002 19:40 (UTC)Ooooooooh, a party!
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on 28 Aug 2002 19:50 (UTC)Jump into the computer lab! You'll find I'm big on this. I like friends dropping by there while I'm working, because it can get boring.
Hmm, someone else likes the party idea... And I could get cheap pizza for a party.
no subject
on 28 Aug 2002 20:21 (UTC)Re:
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on 29 Aug 2002 06:16 (UTC)maybe we should have the party late-night at the physics computer lab. Enough people have keys. Except too many people would just play on the computers ;)
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