odd insecurities
20 June 2002 02:07![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juldeaI have been feeling an ever-growing sense of inadequacy as more and more of my closest friends keep livejournals that are highly read and commented to. I feel threatened both by the journals of my friends and by the comments of others to them.
At the times I post, I feel like I am writing about things that might interest friends of mine. Even a few minutes later, though, I realize that the record of the events of my life are not that interesting to many people except myself, and even then only for the sake of reference. I'm sure it doesn't matter much to you what aerobics class I didn't attend today, or whether or not I saw Jason and what I did at his house. This is probably why I feel barren of comments - what is there to comment on?
The posts of some of my closest, oldest friends include content that does interest people, and it is shown in the number of comments they receive that discuss this content. I never skim over these posts (unless they refer to regional events), they always have some kind of interesting subject to read about.
The sad fact is, even after reading these good posts, I find that I can't summon a relevant comment to continue the discussion. I read comments that others leave and marvel that these people are holding conversations with my closest friends that I should be having. I'm jealous, actually. It's hard to think of someone as one of my best friends ever and then realize that we hardly ever talk, mostly because I feel inadequate during those intervening spaces (when we are communicating, however, that feeling goes away).
Are these just the ravings of a sleepy, lonely person several thousand miles away from most of what she knows well? Should I be re-evaluating my conception of what my livejournal is used for? What if, in doing so, I find myself bereft of anything to write about... meaning that I am wandering through the day-to-day tasks of living, not engaging my brain in any enriching activities?
At the times I post, I feel like I am writing about things that might interest friends of mine. Even a few minutes later, though, I realize that the record of the events of my life are not that interesting to many people except myself, and even then only for the sake of reference. I'm sure it doesn't matter much to you what aerobics class I didn't attend today, or whether or not I saw Jason and what I did at his house. This is probably why I feel barren of comments - what is there to comment on?
The posts of some of my closest, oldest friends include content that does interest people, and it is shown in the number of comments they receive that discuss this content. I never skim over these posts (unless they refer to regional events), they always have some kind of interesting subject to read about.
The sad fact is, even after reading these good posts, I find that I can't summon a relevant comment to continue the discussion. I read comments that others leave and marvel that these people are holding conversations with my closest friends that I should be having. I'm jealous, actually. It's hard to think of someone as one of my best friends ever and then realize that we hardly ever talk, mostly because I feel inadequate during those intervening spaces (when we are communicating, however, that feeling goes away).
Are these just the ravings of a sleepy, lonely person several thousand miles away from most of what she knows well? Should I be re-evaluating my conception of what my livejournal is used for? What if, in doing so, I find myself bereft of anything to write about... meaning that I am wandering through the day-to-day tasks of living, not engaging my brain in any enriching activities?
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Re:
on 20 Jun 2002 07:18 (UTC)I don't know about the therapy thing (you did spell it right, as far as I know). For example, writing about the whole Bernice situation just made me feel bad about it all over again. I know in some situations it makes me feel better, but I much prefer being next to you (or another good friend) and pouring my guts out one-on-one.
no subject
on 20 Jun 2002 14:53 (UTC)I can't much relate. You're not a boring person, i know. :P
Re:
on 20 Jun 2002 15:08 (UTC)Hmm, but will you take it as an insult if I say that you don't post on your LJ because you're a boring person? ;)
That's not really it, but there's a limited number of people who would be interested in hearing about how you powerleveled Buffo in Keltoi all day ;)
no subject
on 20 Jun 2002 18:19 (UTC)no subject
on 20 Jun 2002 18:19 (UTC)