(no subject)
26 November 2001 00:34![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juldeaLivejournal.com won't open, but maybe I can update through Karen's LJ update program thingy.
I want Jason awake and talking to me. I want to be able to discuss things with him and hear his opinions and criticisms and ideas. When we're together, we can talk and talk about things. We used to be able to do that on the mud, too. We don't have the time anymore it seems.
I have decided that unless I reach a nice epiphany next spring/summer, I won't be going back to school. It's not giving me what I want, because I don't know what I want. I've gotta stir things up in my life and get out of this rut and figure some things out. So I'm just following my own plodding footsteps through classes I don't enjoy because I don't get any direction from them (or have any direction that takes me through them).
I envy goldbug's architecture finding. I hope the classes for it are actually enjoyable because it's something she really wants to do.
So the plan is: work. A lot of work during the spring, and then go to Boston and do a little bit of work and try to enjoy myself. Maybe I won't have enough money to go to London or Japan, but I'll try. And if I find myself enjoying my life more than ever, then at the beginning of fall I'll fly back to OKC, get a U-Haul, and officially move myself up to Boston.
How Gaea Spore fits into all of this, I don't know. Basically, the band is moving next summer without me in any case, and I think that's subtley influencing my feelings towards it and the feelings of the rest of the band towards my parts. I'm expendable, basically. I don't feel any resentment towards it, because it's the smartest thing for the band to do. But it makes me realize they can easily live without me, and that makes me less compelled towards moving there ASAP. It's still one of those nice things to happen in the future.... but...
It's funny. This road is actually a very large compromise. Really I think the best thing for me emotionally right now, a la Nick, would be to just completely upturn my life and make myself see things from a different point of view. Toss my stuff into a U-Haul and get my ass up to Boston, stay with Jen and Jim (nice mud people) while trying to find an apartment and a job, and start over.
However, in order to do that, I'd probably need to apply for and get 2 more credit cards with $1000+ limits, and max them out in the process. And I just don't think that will be good for me in the long run.
So, I'm going to go do a homework problem now.
I want Jason awake and talking to me. I want to be able to discuss things with him and hear his opinions and criticisms and ideas. When we're together, we can talk and talk about things. We used to be able to do that on the mud, too. We don't have the time anymore it seems.
I have decided that unless I reach a nice epiphany next spring/summer, I won't be going back to school. It's not giving me what I want, because I don't know what I want. I've gotta stir things up in my life and get out of this rut and figure some things out. So I'm just following my own plodding footsteps through classes I don't enjoy because I don't get any direction from them (or have any direction that takes me through them).
I envy goldbug's architecture finding. I hope the classes for it are actually enjoyable because it's something she really wants to do.
So the plan is: work. A lot of work during the spring, and then go to Boston and do a little bit of work and try to enjoy myself. Maybe I won't have enough money to go to London or Japan, but I'll try. And if I find myself enjoying my life more than ever, then at the beginning of fall I'll fly back to OKC, get a U-Haul, and officially move myself up to Boston.
How Gaea Spore fits into all of this, I don't know. Basically, the band is moving next summer without me in any case, and I think that's subtley influencing my feelings towards it and the feelings of the rest of the band towards my parts. I'm expendable, basically. I don't feel any resentment towards it, because it's the smartest thing for the band to do. But it makes me realize they can easily live without me, and that makes me less compelled towards moving there ASAP. It's still one of those nice things to happen in the future.... but...
It's funny. This road is actually a very large compromise. Really I think the best thing for me emotionally right now, a la Nick, would be to just completely upturn my life and make myself see things from a different point of view. Toss my stuff into a U-Haul and get my ass up to Boston, stay with Jen and Jim (nice mud people) while trying to find an apartment and a job, and start over.
However, in order to do that, I'd probably need to apply for and get 2 more credit cards with $1000+ limits, and max them out in the process. And I just don't think that will be good for me in the long run.
So, I'm going to go do a homework problem now.
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Re: Hooray
on 26 Nov 2001 14:48 (UTC)Re: Hooray
on 26 Nov 2001 15:25 (UTC)But im getting off track. the thing about the bottom is its very hard, and there are two things that can happen to a person. You can get to a point where you have nothing left to lose and you go hell bent at whatever youre doing, bounce back so to speak, or you can go splat, and give up. Dont go splat, I really really hope you follow thru, its not fun for me to watch you be so unhappy.
C.
Re: Hooray
on 26 Nov 2001 15:37 (UTC)"splort"
"plish"