hmm

[juldea]

should I be the one taking the initiative, and saying "let's not talk about happy stuff, I'm really upset and fucked up and want to talk about it"?

I mean, everyone says "yes I've read your livejournal", and then they go on to talk about inane happy shit.

I don't want to pretend to be happy. That's what happens every other time, I start to feel better and I just forget that anything is wrong and start acting like everything is okay, and nothing gets changed. I certainly don't know what to fucking do...

It's sucky because there's movies going on at Karen's that I could go and pretend to watch and be into and act like nothing's going wrong, but I'd be lying. Something is wrong.

I'll just go to bed.

Comments

Re:

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I understand. It seems different to me - seems like no one cares and wants to talk about anything and help me. But I'm at least still able to recognize that as not a true thought, and what you said makes sense. I guess when I'm upset I do bounce between wanting to talk and talk and talk about it, and not wanting to think about it at all. Depends on how it affects me, I guess.

The problem is, I want people who know what to tell me, that will help, to talk to me. And I want that to be my friends, but maybe it's not.

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

as much as we love you, we're not trained to deal with this sort of thing. it's not only "normal" people who benefit from talking with psychologists or psychaitrists. i mean, i didn't really care for the therapist i had, but she couldn't have cared less that i was dating a girl, or didn't shave my legs, or anything. she was just there to try to help me deal with stuff.