there's rain on my apple

[juldea]

an allegory for the day:
It wasn't raining hard when I was in class or in the computer lab. However, when it was time to ride my bike home, it poured. I wasn't wearing more than one shirt, and I was wet, cold, and unhappy.

So why I'm unhappy... I spent over an hour last night studying German vocab because I was going to take one of my missed quizzes today after the exam. I wasn't worried about the exam: the prof told me which stories it was over, and I know those stories well, I could give you all the information on them right now if necessary. So I worked and worked on vocab with my sleep-deprived mind and went to bed at midnight. I set my alarm for 8 so I could make it to 9-o-clock discrete math which I haven't been to in weeks =P

I don't remember anything before waking up a little after 9 and being sad. But then again, I need to catch up on the reading for that class before I'd probably recognize anything the prof says anyway, so I'll deal. I missed another class. No huge worries; I'm not going to fail.

I go to German class, and get an exam. It's three pages; at the top of each page is a few questions in German that I'm supposed to write an essay about. The first thing that starts to worry me is that I don't know some of the words in the questions - words I can't really figure out in context. I mean, "Describe the [unknown word] between the storyteller and the girl" can be a lot of things from this book... Describe the differences, the feelings, the conversation, what? So I made some wild guesses.

So then I start... trying to write. And I realize the one big difference between writing essays at home and essays on an exam... There's no QuickDic on an exam. There's no way to look up words to say things correctly. I actually have to rely on only the vocabulary I know...

And I'm fucked.

I manage to do okay and write a whole page of stuff for the first question... and that took about 2/3 of the exam time, because every sentence I have to stop and think out, "How to say this in German using words I know?" When I write essays for classes, I use good flowery expressive English, and suddenly I can't do that anymore, and it totally messed me up.

So by the time class was over and I was the only one left in the room, I had one question done and 3-4 sentences for the other, and I was crying. Dr. Thompson knows what's going on and that I'm completely stressed out, and so she was very willing to let me have some extra time on it sometime else. The problem with that is...

Dr. Thompson: What are you doing for the rest of today?
Me: work until 6, and work from 6:30-10.
Dr. T: what about tomorrow?
Me: class from 8:30-11:30, work from noon-6, exam at 7
Dr. T: what about Thursday?
Me: I leave town.
Dr. T: when do you get back?
Me: Monday.
Dr. T: when do you have time next week?
Me: [blank look]

So yeah, there's the problems.

A nice good solution I think would be to take a W in a course or two. Certainly I could just take one in discrete and not have to worry about it anymore, and come back next semester or whenever with the knowledge of how badass it is under my belt. Doing that with German would be nice, too, since I've gotten so behind. But what sucks is that since my tuition is paid for buy the state, they make me pay them back if I drop a class. I'm already paying for one class (I always assume it to be discrete) so nothing will change if I just quit that. However, if I go any further, I won't only have to pay them back for the class I dropped, I have to pay them for the whole semester, since being a full-time student is part of the requirements and that would take me under 12 hours. So I don't know what to do.

Maybe I should drop discrete, and take it in Boston at Jason's school next summer. It's low-level so it should transfer. That would be nice...

So I went to the lab after German and Brendan and Waylon were there. I cried on Brendan for a very brief amount of time before he had to go to class. I then sat on the floor next to Waylon (playing everquest of course) and lay my head on the side of his leg. He reached out with his hand and patted/rubbed me on the shoulder for a long time while playing (I assume, I wasn't looking up or watching or paying attention, was busy wiping my eyes and nose) EQ with his other hand. He leaned over to give me a hug every now and then though. When I was coherent we talked a little about the above problems and solutions (minus the possibility of summer school at Wentworth, I just thought of it). This is Waylon's last semester of financial aid so he understands.

I am very glad to have Brendan and Waylon as friends.

So then I rode home, got sopping wet, didn't have cats to love me when I was there, and came to work. Now I'm damp and cold and still unhappy.

Comments

[doteatop.livejournal.com]

One solution is to ask your professor about what an I would mean. You might not have to pay the university back for the class, and depending upon the explicit terms of your contract with them, you might be able to make up lacking hours this semester by going that amount over 12 for next semester. But all in all, not having to worry about all this would be best.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Well, the class I want the most to withdraw is discrete, and that's mainly because before any of this crap with my family started, I slacked off and screwed up my chances in the class anyway. So I'd like to just get a complete W and try again at the whole class (or take it at Jason's school, where supposedly it's easier, heh).

The depressing thing about German is that I would like to just throw away the stuff from these past weeks and just start fresh and in step with the rest of the class talking about the next story. Unfortunately, worrying about all this other stuff leaves me more likely to fall behind the rest of the class, which is a domino effect, because falling behind means I won't be prepared for the discussions in class, and therefore won't understand the next stories. However, if I don't get these things from last week done, I'm going to possibly forget them.

So really, what I need is more time in the next 2 days to re-assert my belief in my German knowledge, re-take the exam and take my makeup quizzes (only one of which I have studied for), and read up on things for all my other classes.

Time.

[goldbug.livejournal.com]

you always confuse me with scholarship-talk. i thought that we had a similar set up; the only difference being that i got some checks from nat. merit for 4 years. but maybe it's not as similar as i thought or maybe they changed something between my year and yours....anyway i hope you find a good solution. (hugs)

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I get up to $750 of my tuition per semester paid directly to the bursar (I never see a check) for 10 semesters. I am required to keep a 2.8gpa and full-time student status for that to happen.

Therefore, if I enroll in classes and the state sends money for the bursar to pay for those classes, and then I drop out of those classes, the state will politely ask for me to pay them back.