Fen at Cons = Pointless Yet Poignant Crises of Co-Eds

[juldea]

This is not my analogy, but I'm the one who's going to post it.

There's this song by Dar Williams called The Pointless, Yet Poignant, Crisis of a Co-ed. It tells a cute little story and is fun to listen to, but besides that, the story makes a point. I'll shove the lyrics at you, with important bits bolded.

I'm not a leader, i'm not a left-wing rhetoric mobilizing force of one,
But there was a time way back, many years ago in college, don't laugh,
But I thought I was a radical, I ran the hemp Liberation League with my boyfriend,
It was true love, with a common cause, and besides that, he was a Sagittarius.

We used to say that our love was like hemp rope, three times as strong as the rope that you buy domestically,
And we would bond in the face of oppression from big business and the deans,
But I knew there was a problem, every time the group would meet everyone would light up,
That made it difficult to discuss glaucoma and human rights, not to mention chemotherapy.

Well sometimes, life gives us lessons sent in ridiculous packaging,
And so I found him in the arms of a Student Against the Treacherous use of Fur,
And he gave no apology, he just turned to me, stoned out to the edge of oblivion,
He didn't pull up the sheets and I think he even smiled as he said to me,
"Well, I guess our dreams went up in smoke."
And I said, No, our dreams went up in dreams, you stupid pothead,
And another thing, what kind of a name is Students Against the Treacherous Use of Fur?
Fur is already dead, and besides, a name like that doesn't make a good acronym.

I am older now, I know the rise and gradual fall of a daily victory.
And I still write to my senators, saying they should legalize cannabis,
And I should know, cause I am a horticulturist, I have a husband and two children out in Lexington, Mass.
And my ex-boyfriend can't tell me I've sold out, because he's in a cult.
And he's not allowed to talk to me.

So yeah. Just like in the song, at cons we of the "higher minds" get together with the intent of changing the world, exchanging information, and generally being awesome... but instead we just get high, and by get high, I mean have lots of random kinky sex. At least from what I saw. The higher functions of the con were overshadowed by the meat-marketness of it all. I admit that I fall for this too; wishing I had flashier/sexier clothing, buying the relationship status button...

Perhaps this makes for a good forum topic?

Comments

[juldea.livejournal.com]

"Higher minds" doesn't mean IQ. I was involved in more than one discussion about this over the weekend, actually, and I think the consensus was that while fen aren't necessarily smarter than mundanes, we do put more importance on knowledge and learning than they do. At least, when talking in stereotypes. Of course no statement I make is universal. Duh.

What's the point of being social and networking, if it's not to eventually have the resources to be able to affect the world in some positive manner? This doesn't have to be a big thing, but I think it's fairly general that the fen I know do want to be able to get together a force for change, when and if it's necessary. See the LJ political memes for example.

I went to several panels, one event-planning meeting (you might remember it), and saw some field-specific geeking. The cruising wasn't "my sphere" at all; I did none of it and sought none of it (and, y'know, neither did you or your wife or many others I know), but it was so amazingly prevalent that I felt it to be a significant portion of the con for many people.

[alexx-kay.livejournal.com]

Learnedax sez: the purpose of conventions isn't to change the world. It's to be social and network, which I totally agree with. SF Conventions grew out of a desire to socialize with like-minded people, and that is still their primary purpose. People who like SF (or fantasy, comics, [insert related subculture here]) tended to be marginalized as geeks while growing up. Having a pool of like-minded individuals to occasionally interact with is of *crucial* importance to us, especially when young enough that we don't get to choose our own peer group.

What's the point of being social and networking, if it's not to eventually have the resources to be able to affect the world in some positive manner?

I'm kind of baffled by this. I'm certainly not *opposed* to people wanting to make positive changes in the world. But most people go through their lives without that sort of large aspiration. Is it wrong for them to have fun doing so?

The cruising ... was so amazingly prevalent that I felt it to be a significant portion of the con for many people.

Indubitably. Since the purpose of the con as a whole is "socializing", it should come as no surprise that mate-seeking behavior is prevalent. That is *why* there's a market for "Relationship Status" buttons. Since that question is going to be on many people's minds, the buttons help lubricate the social interactions.

[I should note as a side-issue that the whole Boston Con Schism affects this issue. Ever since the Boskone/Arisia split, the two conventions have tended to move away from "the average SF con" in certain ways, to differentiate themselves from each other. Sexuality is one of those ways. Boskone got a reputation as "stuffy", and Arisia as kink/poly friendly. (Though this is another non-universal generalization.)]

[londo.livejournal.com]

Maybe one of these years I should actually attend Boskone for some purpose other than Arisia-related meetings.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

As to the first paragraphs, I think both of you are drastically exaggerating what I'm saying. Or perhaps misinterpreting. I understand that many people, the majority even, see Cons' main purpose as social interaction. My POINT is that this is all well and good, but since (at least in my own eyes) fen tend to be intelligent people with a wide range of abilities, we should be using this socialization for a more intellectual purpose. This does NOT have to be a "large aspiration," not at all... small things change the world too. I don't ask that people have huge plans for mobilizing the Fen Force for Freedom... but the amount of time and energy I see spent on random sexual encounters depresses me.

Boskone got a reputation as "stuffy", and Arisia as kink/poly friendly.

Perhaps I should try Boskone, too, to see what I think...

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

Well, starting from the bottom, it is true that there's a lot of sex going on at cons (or Pennsic, or college, or anyplace with large groups of single people). If that was the predominant activity where you were, it certainly was in your sphere. I know you weren't looking, but the some members of the crowd you associate with frequently are. There are a lot of places where sex and flirting is the main entertainment, and lots of places where it never shows up. Neither is bad, but if you feel overwhelmed by the meat market atmosphere, there are other places you could check out.

Not all social interaction is part of a plan to change the world (and why should that by default be in a positive manner?). Sure, I talked shop with some new and interesting people at the con, but I also played some fun card games. I wasn't doing the latter because I was looking for some new angle of attack on the problems of the world, I was doing it because I felt like hanging out. There's no golden force for good inherent in Our Great Subculture, it's just a mass of humans, some more activist than others.

Yes, there is more weight given to knowledge by many of us. But that's intellectualism rather than intelligence, and while it is frequently a good thing, it doesn't mean we're "higher minds", which I've always seen used in relation to intelligence and vision. If you don't mean that by it, what exactly do you mean?

[juldea.livejournal.com]

If that was the predominant activity where you were, it certainly was in your sphere.

I disagree. There was a lot of filk happening at the Con too, and that's not my sphere either. I just don't find it as much as a waste of time and energy.

...I also played some fun card games. I wasn't doing the latter because I was looking for some new angle of attack on the problems of the world, I was doing it because I felt like hanging out.

No, but you didn't divest huge amounts of time, money, and energy doing it. And if you did, I'd berate you just as much.

<>Yes, there is more weight given to knowledge by many of us. But that's intellectualism rather than intelligence, and while it is frequently a good thing, it doesn't mean we're "higher minds", which I've always seen used in relation to intelligence and vision. If you don't mean that by it, what exactly do you mean?

It's called "being tongue-in-cheek." Note the quotation marks used in the original post.

[learnedax.livejournal.com]

If that was the predominant activity where you were, it certainly was in your sphere.

I disagree. There was a lot of filk happening at the Con too, and that's not my sphere either. I just don't find it as much as a waste of time and energy.

Well, aside from the question of why you're more anti-sex than anti-filk, since neither of them are Big Thought endeavors, I think you're still missing what I mean. Something being present in your sphere does NOT mean it's something you like to do, or seek out. It means it's something that you see because of where you are and who you're with. I didn't hear one bit of filk this year, and I have heard very little in previous years. So it's not some omnipresent force, just as sex is not.

Actually, I can't leave it entirely aside. Your vehemence (even if you backpedal saying it's tongue-in-cheek) against sex culture in specific is surprising, since you are normally pro-sex. Are you reacting to the attitude of polyamorists, specifically?

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I think that you're totally misinterpreting everything I'm saying if you come out of this thinking that I'm "anti-sex." I'm totally not. As you said... I'm pro-sex, qua sex. It is, yes, the attitude of many con-goers (I'm not going to say "of polyamorists," because then everyone will misinterpret that too and assume that I am lumping everyone together with no regard for intraculture differences or the fact that there's many flavors of polyamory) that bothers me.

In the terms of "how many con-goers view sex," filk is TOTALLY more of a big-thought activity than sex is. Filk involves, y'know, music and thought and writing, whereas hooking up at a con was, "Hey, you're cute." "You're cute too." "Let's fuck." "Okay."

I suppose I'm anti-random-meaningless-casual-sex.

Also, I did no backpedaling about tongue-in-cheek. The "higher minds" part was the only part I claim to be tongue-in-cheek, and I think that's rather obvious that I meant it that way in the first place.

[mr-teem.livejournal.com]

What's the point of being social and networking, if it's not to eventually have the resources to be able to affect the world in some positive manner?

How do you know we weren't? Building up a social network is vital for one's later support and possibly personal activism needs. No one goes to Arisia with the intent to rally 2000 geeks into, I dunno, march on the State House and demand that 128 be renamed the Cordwainer Smith Highway.

There are places where you go to network to change the world or advance your business interests. Dreadfully boring unless that's what you're hot for at the time. (Unless there's a dance floor and a good dancing partner. And food. And a bar. Sometimes, it's tolerable with just the bar. Otherwise, you go downstairs. To the bar.)

Arisia in particular, and SF conventions in general, are more social events than single-purpose activist events. Scanning the freebie table, I saw a (smaller than expected) set of political and social activism fliers among the fannish stuff and there were a handful of panels. I had an obvious, but arguably not primary, reason for being there and talking with random geeks. But I was also there to socialize and increase my circle of friends, irrespective of any degree of intimacy. Thinking back, the majority of women I have had close, including intimate, relationships with I met first at "geeky" social events.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I don't feel the need to become physically/romantically intimate with a person in order for them to be a hub in my social network.

[mr-teem.livejournal.com]

Meh. Neither do I. I now wish I hadn't added that last sentence to my reply because you've misinterpreted the point of my comment.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Misinterpreting the point of posts here seems to be the thing to do! ;)

Clarify at your own risk! ;)

[mr-teem.livejournal.com]

No, but I'll call you on fruit miscagenation and throw a question back at you. What do you think are the higher functions of Arisia, the convention, comparing them to the implied goal of the "Hemp Liberation League," at least according to the lyrics.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

To brainstorm:

Creating art, whether in writing, music, jewelry, fabric crafts, buttons, etc etc.

Discussing issues. The panel on Fandom slowly killing itself through diet and lack of exercise, for example. Politics. Actually, just put all panels here, they generally fit the bill.

Socialization, networking, yes. londo spoke to metahacker about a job opportunity. This is an example of a very purposeful interaction, but it wouldn't be possible without random social interaction in the past.

Those are my main ideas... I actually had a lot more, but they were able to be condensed. And, it's time for lunch. Is that satisfactory?