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juldeaWhat's the definition of boyfriend/girlfriend?
I'd like quantity in response to this, even at expense of quality. If you can take the time to drop a comment, even if it's just one word, I'd appreciate it a lot. You don't even have to continue reading if you have a response right now and no time to continue - just drop me what you have and go do what you need to do.
To clarify: Most people, as far as I know, don't associate dating with being in love. Those states are independent from each other; they just happen to overlap in the right circumstances. Therefore, 'love' isn't part of the definition of dating.
If I take out that emotional tie completely, I get two (or more) people who enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, care about each other's well-being and happiness... and engage in some kind of physical activity that society generally reserves for such relationships (whether it's just kissing or goes on to much more depends on the individual).
But... that's the definition of 'friends with benefits' (using the real-life definition (not the LJ definition) of friend). Friends enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, and care about each other's well-being and happiness. And benefits are the physical activities that are generally reserved for boy/girlfriend-and-up relationships.
So what's the midpoint? What state stands between a 'friend with benefits' and, uh, a 'loved person'? What am I missing as part of the definition that, in your mind, makes the relationships different?
I imagine (because I've already thought of it, and one other person has already suggested it) that many people are going to say, "Exclusivity." But, well, in the polyamorous society that is Cambridge/Somerville and most of the groups I hang out with now, that's not an acceptible answer. Dating one person doesn't mean you can't date/'benefit from' another, to many people. Therefore it isn't a part of the definition - at least not if the definition is universal. Which I guess leads me to:
Special bonus question: Is this definition universal, or does each individual have to define it for him/herself?
I'd like quantity in response to this, even at expense of quality. If you can take the time to drop a comment, even if it's just one word, I'd appreciate it a lot. You don't even have to continue reading if you have a response right now and no time to continue - just drop me what you have and go do what you need to do.
To clarify: Most people, as far as I know, don't associate dating with being in love. Those states are independent from each other; they just happen to overlap in the right circumstances. Therefore, 'love' isn't part of the definition of dating.
If I take out that emotional tie completely, I get two (or more) people who enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, care about each other's well-being and happiness... and engage in some kind of physical activity that society generally reserves for such relationships (whether it's just kissing or goes on to much more depends on the individual).
But... that's the definition of 'friends with benefits' (using the real-life definition (not the LJ definition) of friend). Friends enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, and care about each other's well-being and happiness. And benefits are the physical activities that are generally reserved for boy/girlfriend-and-up relationships.
So what's the midpoint? What state stands between a 'friend with benefits' and, uh, a 'loved person'? What am I missing as part of the definition that, in your mind, makes the relationships different?
I imagine (because I've already thought of it, and one other person has already suggested it) that many people are going to say, "Exclusivity." But, well, in the polyamorous society that is Cambridge/Somerville and most of the groups I hang out with now, that's not an acceptible answer. Dating one person doesn't mean you can't date/'benefit from' another, to many people. Therefore it isn't a part of the definition - at least not if the definition is universal. Which I guess leads me to:
Special bonus question: Is this definition universal, or does each individual have to define it for him/herself?
no subject
on 25 Mar 2004 21:46 (UTC)I think it is even more true, outside the circles you and I run in, that being friends first is not an integral part of the boy/girlfriend relationship. People who go looking for love in clubs and bars are not putting friendship first. People who use matchmaking services are not putting friendship first, even though they may be hell-bent on marriage as the only successful outcome.
I have been in four Adult Relationships(tm) (#4 being the current one), of which the first three I would characterize as pretty typical bf/gf (well, as typical as I ever get. :) In not one of those four did I have much more than an acquaintanceship before deciding to explore A Relationship. In all cases, friendship was explored simultaneously with bf/gf-ness. In cases 1, 2 and 3, men who had the opportunity to observe me (through the SCA) approached me and asked if I'd be interested in Getting To Know One Another Better.
I am not close friends with my exes, but #1 and #2 and I still get along. #1 is a musician I am in a consort with, and #2 is my boss. :) (#3 hates my guts.)
no subject
on 8 Apr 2004 18:22 (UTC)It will be interesting to see if this relationship survives better than the previous, given that the two aspects are being explored together. (The previous time I dated someone without being friends first was five years ago!) There are no pre-set expectations based on how our relationship has always been, so as we learn things about each other we are learning them in the context of the boy/girlfriend relationship. I think it has colored the experience so far, and not in a bad way.