mood swings
13 August 2003 00:16![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
juldeaWow, I certainly woke up on the bipolar side of the bed today.
I woke up late, 12:30 - I would like to be awake at 9ish these days. So from now on I'm going to set an alarm clock since my body doesn't seem to want to keep its own schedule. I was in bed by 1, for your information.
I got online and on 3k and immediately embroiled in guild admin duties. I had to reprimand someone who has been around for a much longer time than I for doing something dishonorable in an area I'm not too familiar with (yes, I'm purposefully being vague) and felt like I was doing an absolutely worthless job at it. I eventually let him go with barely a slap on the wrist, only to find out later that the whole situation was more serious than I knew, because I am not the powerplayer I could (should?) be. Blegh. To make a long story short, I spent a long while this afternoon doubting my abilities as guild admin, snapping at people, and crying. Then I realized I was being irrationally emotional and got off the computer.
I walked to the store and used our "Free pint of Ben 'n' Jerry's" coupon. You Oklahoma people don't understand the sheer variety of flavors available here in the NE! I thought I'd have maybe 6-8 flavors (and I was certain Chunky Monkey would win) but there were more like 20! And a new, limited-edition oatmeal cookie chunk flavor that I -had- to get. And boy was it worth it. MMMMM.
Er, anyway. I got a few more groceries and walked home, and by that time Jim was home. He had been online for my little fit earlier so he immediately made me put my ice cream down and gave me a big hug. :)
We sat around for a while and talked, then he took a walk to the library to return a tape he had borrowed. After he got home we made dinner (spaghetti!) and then continued to sit on the couch and talk. My mood swings were not over, especially when we got onto the subject of Jason. Well, we were discussing guild stuff (I promise we talk about more than just 3k, but that's just what it was this time) and old guild admin, and he asked if Jason was ever coming back, and I responded with what I knew: as of Jason and I's last conversation, Jason isn't planning on mudding anymore. :(
I said that, then fell silent for about a minute, and then dove across the couch to be held and cry. I so, so wish that things could be different. But I guess this is just how they are, and I have to learn to live with it. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that falling out of love with someone could be this hard? I thought I was supposed to be able to be cruel and callous and laugh while breaking his heart. *sigh*
Anyway. Jim let me lie there for a long, long time. I might have even fallen asleep briefly; I don't think I did, but I could've and not known it. Then we resumed talking for about an hour more. Eventually, however, he needed to sleep.
He is the perfect mixture of friend and brother. I am so glad to have him here.
On lighter topics, Matrix decided that she wanted to make me jealous today. She refused to look at me or let me pet her, and instead lavished attention all upon Jim. Eventually I won her back over, however. :) I have cat-fu.
I woke up late, 12:30 - I would like to be awake at 9ish these days. So from now on I'm going to set an alarm clock since my body doesn't seem to want to keep its own schedule. I was in bed by 1, for your information.
I got online and on 3k and immediately embroiled in guild admin duties. I had to reprimand someone who has been around for a much longer time than I for doing something dishonorable in an area I'm not too familiar with (yes, I'm purposefully being vague) and felt like I was doing an absolutely worthless job at it. I eventually let him go with barely a slap on the wrist, only to find out later that the whole situation was more serious than I knew, because I am not the powerplayer I could (should?) be. Blegh. To make a long story short, I spent a long while this afternoon doubting my abilities as guild admin, snapping at people, and crying. Then I realized I was being irrationally emotional and got off the computer.
I walked to the store and used our "Free pint of Ben 'n' Jerry's" coupon. You Oklahoma people don't understand the sheer variety of flavors available here in the NE! I thought I'd have maybe 6-8 flavors (and I was certain Chunky Monkey would win) but there were more like 20! And a new, limited-edition oatmeal cookie chunk flavor that I -had- to get. And boy was it worth it. MMMMM.
Er, anyway. I got a few more groceries and walked home, and by that time Jim was home. He had been online for my little fit earlier so he immediately made me put my ice cream down and gave me a big hug. :)
We sat around for a while and talked, then he took a walk to the library to return a tape he had borrowed. After he got home we made dinner (spaghetti!) and then continued to sit on the couch and talk. My mood swings were not over, especially when we got onto the subject of Jason. Well, we were discussing guild stuff (I promise we talk about more than just 3k, but that's just what it was this time) and old guild admin, and he asked if Jason was ever coming back, and I responded with what I knew: as of Jason and I's last conversation, Jason isn't planning on mudding anymore. :(
I said that, then fell silent for about a minute, and then dove across the couch to be held and cry. I so, so wish that things could be different. But I guess this is just how they are, and I have to learn to live with it. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that falling out of love with someone could be this hard? I thought I was supposed to be able to be cruel and callous and laugh while breaking his heart. *sigh*
Anyway. Jim let me lie there for a long, long time. I might have even fallen asleep briefly; I don't think I did, but I could've and not known it. Then we resumed talking for about an hour more. Eventually, however, he needed to sleep.
He is the perfect mixture of friend and brother. I am so glad to have him here.
On lighter topics, Matrix decided that she wanted to make me jealous today. She refused to look at me or let me pet her, and instead lavished attention all upon Jim. Eventually I won her back over, however. :) I have cat-fu.
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no subject
on 13 Aug 2003 22:39 (UTC)