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juldeaBear with me, please: this will be a long entry, but I think it's rather important and has spent a long time in coming. It starts off talking about bellydancing but really the topic is the particular way my brain works and how it applies to my WHOLE life, so really, please listen. It might be a bit rambly since I've been up for 20 hours...
The topic of tonight's bellydance class was the taxim, which is a slow unmetered type of dance typically danced to a solo by the person playing the oud (guitar-like). Sabrena, my instructor, gave us a little choreography and told us that due to the nature of the music, she wasn't able to tell us, "Do 3 undulations and then 2 hip circles," because there's no real way to count, you just feel the music. This was all fine with me until I thought about trying to do this on the spot with a live band, when you neither know what music is next nor what moves you're supposed to do next. I brought this up with Sabrena, basically asking her a very fundamental question about "real" bellydancing: how do you know what to do when dancing with a live band that doesn't follow sheet music?
Her answer, basically saying, "You just know," included the line (or at least something like it), "This is what transforms the dance from being technical to being art." When she said that, I knew that it was pointless for me to keep questioning her on the topic. I left class early (by which I mean, actually on time) and for the whole ride home have been trying to decide whether I should go with my inclination to find another dance instructor... and writing this post in my head.
It's not that I disagree with her, dislike her, or am not learning things in the class. It's just that her style, and what she is trying to teach us, are things that I don't think I'm made to learn. I have always been a bellydancer who learns choreography and then performs it, not a dancer who improvises on the spot. I am the technical - my point in dancing is to perfect a piece, perfect moves, build a dance and then perform it.
Improvisation - creation really - is not something I do well. This is not just in bellydance. I look at all aspects of my life - work, school, relationships, hobbies - and I see that my talent lies not in creativity but in execution. I am a great administrative assistant because the boss gives me a list of things to do and I do them. I write papers that are technically flawless (spelling, grammar, opening-paragraph-body-body-body-closing-paragraph) but fail to ever cross the line into being innovative. I am a musician; I can pretty much hash out any sheet music you put in front of me, but I don't write music or play by ear. I have knitted some very beautiful things because I can follow patterns. I loved marching band.
Basically, londo hit the nail on the head a month or two ago when he told me that what I enjoyed was, "following a complex set of simple instructions." I look around all the time now and marvel at how well it applies. Marching band formations, sewing/knitting patterns, dance choreographies, bending Excel to my will by using Help to find the proper commands to use in what order (yes, this makes me VERY satisfied), writing geometric proofs, following furniture assembly diagrams, elementary level computer programming. Someone has already figured out how to do all of these things, but the patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time is rough for some people. Not me. I can juggle the different sections, fit the puzzle pieces together according to the given diagram, and present the final product.
A little leftover part of the Objectivist me from a few years ago gibbers in fear at this. I'm not a creator? I'm not an innovator? Well, what use am I then? Wasn't I "supposed to" be one of the übermensch... and now I turn out to just be a servant? Well, crap.
Luckily, I've grown up since then. I might not be Einstein, but my talents are useful somewhere. I just need to figure out where.
Obviously (at least to me), Letters was not the right major for me. Yes, one of the reasons I was drawn to it was because of my love of the rigid grammar structure of Latin, and yes, one of the reasons I did well was because I can follow an essay formula really damn well. But inherently, a Letters degree isn't about following a complex set of simple instructions. But... is any degree? Is my talent fit for a college degree at all? I mean, yeah, already done it. But now I'm doing some hindsight analysis.
So, right. I have learned this thing about myself, and for the most part am accepting it. Sometimes it gives me problems - such as today in class, where I basically felt like I was being told I'd never be an artist. I might learn how to... well... improvise improvising, but it's never going to be natural. I'll always be more comfortable performing a set choreography to a pre-recorded piece of music.
Now that I've learned this... I should apply it. Yes, my personality means that I make a good administrative assistant. But I don't want to be one of those forever, because I like complex sets of simple instructions, heh. Admin assistants get simple sets. It kills my brain. So what else can I do? Does anyone have any ideas?
It was proposed to me last summer by someone who I had a random getting-to-know-you conversation with that I might like to go back to school and study statistics. That seems likely to fit the bill, but I don't actually know much about it. Actually, I have![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
etherial's statistics book borrowed - I should really give it a look and get back to him.
siderea, if you've read this far - I'd be really curious to know if you have any Meyers-Briggs flavored insights. ;)
Back on the bellydance topic, the fact that Sabrena's style is all about improv and my desire is to perfect choreography and technique, added to the fact that the classes are late in the evening in Quincy, an hour+ away by public transit, and we often run late... makes me think I should be in another class. Something closer, with more technique and choreography emphasis.
Hmm.
The topic of tonight's bellydance class was the taxim, which is a slow unmetered type of dance typically danced to a solo by the person playing the oud (guitar-like). Sabrena, my instructor, gave us a little choreography and told us that due to the nature of the music, she wasn't able to tell us, "Do 3 undulations and then 2 hip circles," because there's no real way to count, you just feel the music. This was all fine with me until I thought about trying to do this on the spot with a live band, when you neither know what music is next nor what moves you're supposed to do next. I brought this up with Sabrena, basically asking her a very fundamental question about "real" bellydancing: how do you know what to do when dancing with a live band that doesn't follow sheet music?
Her answer, basically saying, "You just know," included the line (or at least something like it), "This is what transforms the dance from being technical to being art." When she said that, I knew that it was pointless for me to keep questioning her on the topic. I left class early (by which I mean, actually on time) and for the whole ride home have been trying to decide whether I should go with my inclination to find another dance instructor... and writing this post in my head.
It's not that I disagree with her, dislike her, or am not learning things in the class. It's just that her style, and what she is trying to teach us, are things that I don't think I'm made to learn. I have always been a bellydancer who learns choreography and then performs it, not a dancer who improvises on the spot. I am the technical - my point in dancing is to perfect a piece, perfect moves, build a dance and then perform it.
Improvisation - creation really - is not something I do well. This is not just in bellydance. I look at all aspects of my life - work, school, relationships, hobbies - and I see that my talent lies not in creativity but in execution. I am a great administrative assistant because the boss gives me a list of things to do and I do them. I write papers that are technically flawless (spelling, grammar, opening-paragraph-body-body-body-closing-paragraph) but fail to ever cross the line into being innovative. I am a musician; I can pretty much hash out any sheet music you put in front of me, but I don't write music or play by ear. I have knitted some very beautiful things because I can follow patterns. I loved marching band.
Basically, londo hit the nail on the head a month or two ago when he told me that what I enjoyed was, "following a complex set of simple instructions." I look around all the time now and marvel at how well it applies. Marching band formations, sewing/knitting patterns, dance choreographies, bending Excel to my will by using Help to find the proper commands to use in what order (yes, this makes me VERY satisfied), writing geometric proofs, following furniture assembly diagrams, elementary level computer programming. Someone has already figured out how to do all of these things, but the patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time is rough for some people. Not me. I can juggle the different sections, fit the puzzle pieces together according to the given diagram, and present the final product.
A little leftover part of the Objectivist me from a few years ago gibbers in fear at this. I'm not a creator? I'm not an innovator? Well, what use am I then? Wasn't I "supposed to" be one of the übermensch... and now I turn out to just be a servant? Well, crap.
Luckily, I've grown up since then. I might not be Einstein, but my talents are useful somewhere. I just need to figure out where.
Obviously (at least to me), Letters was not the right major for me. Yes, one of the reasons I was drawn to it was because of my love of the rigid grammar structure of Latin, and yes, one of the reasons I did well was because I can follow an essay formula really damn well. But inherently, a Letters degree isn't about following a complex set of simple instructions. But... is any degree? Is my talent fit for a college degree at all? I mean, yeah, already done it. But now I'm doing some hindsight analysis.
So, right. I have learned this thing about myself, and for the most part am accepting it. Sometimes it gives me problems - such as today in class, where I basically felt like I was being told I'd never be an artist. I might learn how to... well... improvise improvising, but it's never going to be natural. I'll always be more comfortable performing a set choreography to a pre-recorded piece of music.
Now that I've learned this... I should apply it. Yes, my personality means that I make a good administrative assistant. But I don't want to be one of those forever, because I like complex sets of simple instructions, heh. Admin assistants get simple sets. It kills my brain. So what else can I do? Does anyone have any ideas?
It was proposed to me last summer by someone who I had a random getting-to-know-you conversation with that I might like to go back to school and study statistics. That seems likely to fit the bill, but I don't actually know much about it. Actually, I have
etherial's statistics book borrowed - I should really give it a look and get back to him.siderea, if you've read this far - I'd be really curious to know if you have any Meyers-Briggs flavored insights. ;)Back on the bellydance topic, the fact that Sabrena's style is all about improv and my desire is to perfect choreography and technique, added to the fact that the classes are late in the evening in Quincy, an hour+ away by public transit, and we often run late... makes me think I should be in another class. Something closer, with more technique and choreography emphasis.
Hmm.