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juldeaLast night I had a very long, complicated dream. I don't think I've EVER had a dream this long, and it all managed to stay true to a central theme - I was being blamed by a mafia princess for the deaths of her father and brother, who I didn't kill but it sure looked like I did (car accident, wrong place in wrong time). The dream was one big long chase through all sorts of places - a grocery store, a club, a lonely abandoned rural highway. I woke up this morning right when I was about to be captured by the thugs. I sat straight up and said, "Oh my god, the princess!" Then reality slowly worked its way into my mind, and I realized it was all a dream. Too bad. It was really interesting.
For those of you who don't know, it's currently funny to tease me about having dyke hair. Now, I have nothing against lesbians (but I wish I did, hee hee, okay that's a dumb joke). But I'm not one, and the fact that more than one person has associated my current short hairstyle with a change in my sexual orientation is kind of annoying. This is only one reason why my hair is going to grow back out long now and not stay short. So, this morning when I got out of the shower, I realized my hair was actually growing. I started playing around with it, grabbed a comb, and saw that it would comb down flat (whereas before it was just spiky). My thought process was basically:
"Oh hey, I can comb my hair back now... slick it back kinda, since it's wet... comb it back and look... like.... k.d. lang. DAMMIT!!!"
Photo for comparison. For those of you who don't know, k.d. lang is a lesbian singer. Sang the song "Constant Craving".
My other two stories revolve around Loveline. Loveline is a radio show, nationally syndicated, that I used to listen to EVERY NIGHT in high school in California. I even called in once, at the age of 16 (summer '96). What was discussed can stay private, although I'll make it clear that it was REALLY tame for that show. How I even got on I don't know. ANYWAY. For those who don't know, Loveline is a show for teenagers and young adults to openly discuss love, sex, drugs, relationships, etc. The hosts are a comedian and a doctor, so you get quite the range of advice. The best fansite I've found for it so far is The Loveline Companion (the official site is barebones). It recently started playing here on weeknights from 10-12 on 100.5 FM, so I listen to it while delivering. It's not at all different from five years ago EXCEPT for Dr. Drew. He has definitely been affected by Adam's presence. He lets Adam get away with anything these days. I can't decide if it's good or bad... but anyway, on to the funny stuff.
Well, I guess the first thing isn't funny. Dr. Drew was talking about a saying that he has heard many times, about the grades people make in school and how that displays itself later in life, and it made me think. "The Bs work for the Cs and the As teach." Ponder...
Okay, this next bit is perhaps the funniest thing I have witnessed in the past year. I laugh every time I think of it. I'm not even sure I'll get through this post. We'll see...
A phone-sex operator called into Loveline saying that she gets paid by the minute but she's not making any money because she's so good, her customers are done too quickly. So she wanted to hear comments and advice from Adam and Dr. Drew on how to prolong her phone calls. They had a blast with this, making fun of her for a while, and eventually Adam decided that what she had to do was insert subliminal messages about unarousing things like cancer or the Holocaust. Just kind of slip in a quick word into what she's saying, so fast that the guys aren't quite sure if they just heard what they did, but it would ruin the moment for a little bit and give her more time. So after Adam assumed that this chick knew what he was trying to tell her, he asked her to give him a little trial run. And THIS is what happened...
loveline.mp3 (22 seconds long, 346k)
Now, if that's not the most hilarious thing EVER, I don't know what is. It turns out the girl didn't know what the holocaust was, and obviously didn't understand subliminal either. But just... every time I THINK about that sound clip I laugh. I won't recover from this for YEARS.
If anyone is interested in hearing the entire conversation (7:43, 7.06 megs) it can be found here, courtesy of the website I previously mentioned.
Just... oh my. Too hilarious for words.
For those of you who don't know, it's currently funny to tease me about having dyke hair. Now, I have nothing against lesbians (but I wish I did, hee hee, okay that's a dumb joke). But I'm not one, and the fact that more than one person has associated my current short hairstyle with a change in my sexual orientation is kind of annoying. This is only one reason why my hair is going to grow back out long now and not stay short. So, this morning when I got out of the shower, I realized my hair was actually growing. I started playing around with it, grabbed a comb, and saw that it would comb down flat (whereas before it was just spiky). My thought process was basically:
"Oh hey, I can comb my hair back now... slick it back kinda, since it's wet... comb it back and look... like.... k.d. lang. DAMMIT!!!"
Photo for comparison. For those of you who don't know, k.d. lang is a lesbian singer. Sang the song "Constant Craving".
My other two stories revolve around Loveline. Loveline is a radio show, nationally syndicated, that I used to listen to EVERY NIGHT in high school in California. I even called in once, at the age of 16 (summer '96). What was discussed can stay private, although I'll make it clear that it was REALLY tame for that show. How I even got on I don't know. ANYWAY. For those who don't know, Loveline is a show for teenagers and young adults to openly discuss love, sex, drugs, relationships, etc. The hosts are a comedian and a doctor, so you get quite the range of advice. The best fansite I've found for it so far is The Loveline Companion (the official site is barebones). It recently started playing here on weeknights from 10-12 on 100.5 FM, so I listen to it while delivering. It's not at all different from five years ago EXCEPT for Dr. Drew. He has definitely been affected by Adam's presence. He lets Adam get away with anything these days. I can't decide if it's good or bad... but anyway, on to the funny stuff.
Well, I guess the first thing isn't funny. Dr. Drew was talking about a saying that he has heard many times, about the grades people make in school and how that displays itself later in life, and it made me think. "The Bs work for the Cs and the As teach." Ponder...
Okay, this next bit is perhaps the funniest thing I have witnessed in the past year. I laugh every time I think of it. I'm not even sure I'll get through this post. We'll see...
A phone-sex operator called into Loveline saying that she gets paid by the minute but she's not making any money because she's so good, her customers are done too quickly. So she wanted to hear comments and advice from Adam and Dr. Drew on how to prolong her phone calls. They had a blast with this, making fun of her for a while, and eventually Adam decided that what she had to do was insert subliminal messages about unarousing things like cancer or the Holocaust. Just kind of slip in a quick word into what she's saying, so fast that the guys aren't quite sure if they just heard what they did, but it would ruin the moment for a little bit and give her more time. So after Adam assumed that this chick knew what he was trying to tell her, he asked her to give him a little trial run. And THIS is what happened...
loveline.mp3 (22 seconds long, 346k)
Now, if that's not the most hilarious thing EVER, I don't know what is. It turns out the girl didn't know what the holocaust was, and obviously didn't understand subliminal either. But just... every time I THINK about that sound clip I laugh. I won't recover from this for YEARS.
If anyone is interested in hearing the entire conversation (7:43, 7.06 megs) it can be found here, courtesy of the website I previously mentioned.
Just... oh my. Too hilarious for words.