The Brass Player's Heirarchy

[juldea]

I found this in my old files.

The French Horn:
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to god

The Trumpet:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with god

The Trombone:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with god if a special request is approved

The Bass Trombone:
Barely clears a quonset hut
Loses tug of war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by god

The Baritone:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by a locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

The Cornet:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to wals

The Flugelhorn:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says, "Look at the choo-choo!"
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself

The Tuba:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
Is god


I didn't write that - I was given it the way it is :)