Sporadic Rant

[juldea]

There's one big problem with being the kind of person where a lot of different things come very quickly and easily to you.

You hardly ever are taught at YOUR pace, you get bored of things, quit, and regret it later.

Tonight I went and watched the exhibition of the pom/dance squad camp that's been held on campus this past week. I'd passed by these girls practicing every day on my ways to and from work, and one of the days I stopped and asked a parent if they were going to do a big show sometime. She told me about the exhibition tonight, and the stuff tomorrow morning (which I also plan on attending).

Now, these girls are in much better shape than me. 90% of them probably weigh 30 pounds less than I do. They can do some things (specifically jumps) that I can't.

But I could probably have outdanced 3/4 of them on that field.

Apparently they were all taught a routine yesterday. Today each squad (about 15?) came individually and did the routine for their judges. By about the 5th squad, I knew parts of the routine. I loved picking it up, analyzing the girls, moving with the music.

I miss it.

I miss that kind of dancing, the hip-hop funky jazzy style. I miss learning a routine in a day or two. I miss being challenged.

That is one of the reasons why I haven't gone to dance in a while (along with no gas money). It's taken the class, the ADVANCED class, 4 classes to pick up what I (and few of the others) could have picked up in half an hour. Amira and I could learn that entire choreography in one lesson. However, Soraya can't teach at our pace, or she'd lose the others.

*sigh*

And somewhere, I picked up a creativity block when it comes to making up my own routines. I put on music and try to think of moves and my mind just freezes up. I remember maybe one or two basic things to do, keep doing them over and over, get sick of myself, and give up.

Which means I'm exactly the opposite of the kind of person I strive, want, and try to pretend I am. I'm no individual with exciting new thoughts and ideas that revolutionize the world.

I'm a sad lonely imposter who lives off of other's ideas.

Comments

[maximilian-xiii.livejournal.com]

Don't think you are alone in feeling like this. Three or four months ago (right after i learned about bitch and dumbass getting married) I began looking at myself very critically. Instead of getting down on myself I decided to take the things I wasn't liking and change them. In four months I have regained some of the spirit I feel that I've lost over the past 4 or 5 years and I'm now more extroverted than I've ever been (thats not saying much). I'm feeling great if not a little lonely, I still miss her more than anything even though the Katie I loved no longer exists. Anyway... turn negitive energy to positive... blah blah blah