it doesn't matter if my boyfriend minds

[juldea]

I am a flirt. Most of you know this. What can I say; I enjoy attention. This sometimes leads to people trying to gauge the possibility of actually becoming involved with me in whatever way (romantic, physical, etc.), and in many of these cases, leads to a comment structured as so: "Well, I could [say more|be more forward|make a move|prove it], but your boyfriend might object."

This is wrong, and you should never do it.

I am in control of my body. Not anyone I am dating or otherwise involved with. Whether or not you and I flirt, kiss, make out, fuck, whatever, is my decision to make, and the only person you need to worry about approving or disapproving is me.

I am also in control of my relationships. If you want to be involved with me, you don't sit down and work out the arrangements with my SO. You work it out with me. If my SO objects to anything I discuss, commit to, or do with another person, that is my problem to deal with, not yours.

My body and heart are not anyone's property but my own, and no one but me can make decisions about it. So quit passive-aggressively hinting that you have intentions towards me that my SO might object to, and instead perhaps ask me what I think? I mean, I know that by flirting I am inviting people to think about being involved with me, and when that happens I do want to know if someone is interested (for the ego boost if nothing else!) But there are ways to communicate interest and query for response, and I find the above to be a bad way to do it.

Edit: This rant is specifically directed at the situation wherein the person saying the above is not anyone who has a relationship of their own with my SO that they might worry about. Also, I want to point out that so far, most of the comments from men I've received have been related to this lack of clarification, and most of the comments from women I've received have been YES YES YES THIS. Heh.

Edit 2: I am editing this post continuously in response to feedback I'm receiving about how I'm communicating. Just be aware.

Comments

[rigel.livejournal.com]

if somebody does something so rotten and horrible that physical violence is actually necessary -- and stop and think, for a moment, how rarely this is necessary in our subcultures . .

Nitpick: I disagree. I don't think our subculture is any safer than any other predominantly shared by some with similar demographic features.

Unless you're saying it's rarely necessary in groups with similar race/class/etc. skews. Mostly, I'm making the point that when it gets down to it, I don't think geeks/polyfolk/foo are any better at this.

[zombie-dog.livejournal.com]

fair. I won't argue or try to clarify because it would draw away from the point that I was trying to make -- honestly, if things get bad enough that you have to hurt somebody, things have crossed a line and the police should probably be involved.