friend money etiquette?

[juldea]

Some of you locals may have seen how obsessively I keep track of my finances, using GnuCash to keep track of my bank accounts, credit cards, and what I refer to as my "cash account" - keeping track of the cash I carry around and what I spend it on, down to the penny. I also try as much as possible to keep track of what I owe people and, conversely, what people owe me. People I engaged in serious money-swapping with (londo, usernamenumber) get their own spreadsheets, whereas for everyone else I have a more loosey-goosey "owed by whomever" sheet. Well, it's been a while since I untangled that sheet, figuring out who gets what, and I just did.

So now I'm faced with the dilemma of being pretty sure that friends owe me money, and can tell them how much and when, but isn't it kind of bitchy to suddenly spring on your friend a reminder of a months-old debt? I'm not quite sure how to approach that. Also, there's the manner of I'm not sure if some of these are still debts; it's quite possible the person paid me back in a way I just didn't enter into my system. It's rare that I let something slide, but it does happen. So I don't want to say, "Hey, you owe me $10 for that movie ticket," and have my friend say, "Uh... no I don't. We settled that months ago."

Examples: I bought a movie ticket for a friend in March. I bought party supplies for a friend in April. I bought dinner for a friend in early June. I don't have record of any of these things being paid back. (And there's a bought smoothie a few weeks ago and a shared Zipcar on July 4th, but those are not forgotten debts. They were discussed last week!) On the flipside, I show here that I owe someone (witticaster or doompuppy?) $5 for food at Cosmic Steak and Pizza after the last Rage Across the Cape game on June 20 - I think it's witticaster, but that should be confirmed.

These things are small, on the order of $10. I totally can afford covering them. Should I just do so? Do you think you'd be offended if you got an email from me saying, "Hey, I think I paid for this thing for you a few months ago and you never paid me back?" Do you think it's absolutely 100% rude? Is it excusable in the context of my keeping rigid track of finances and thus keeping myself up to date on debts to others, i.e. not creating a double standard? What price limit is the point at which you bring these things up to people? What if one person is responsible for multiple debts?

Etiquette is hard. :/ Let's go shopping. (You pay. ;)

Comments

[juldea.livejournal.com]

It is indeed. :) I honestly can't remember if that got settled elsewise or not, but if you're cool to toss me $8.25, that's what I have on record. Barter is also accepted! (Ghoti?)

[siderea]

Ghoti! I think I'm free T, Th, F, Sa this week. When works for you?

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Either F or Sa work for me this week; F would be no earlier than 9, Sa I'm completely free.

[siderea]

Either would be just dandy for me, with a slight preference for late Friday. Pick a time that works for you.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

If you prefer late Friday, that works great for me. Hana, I presume?

[siderea]

Yep! 9pm, or did you want later?

[siderea]

Poke. 9pm? (I have my cell with me, let me know what the plan is.)

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Sorry for not getting back quicker - basically, my arrival time is somewhere 30-45 minutes after I leave work, which is approx. 8:30. I can text you with more specifics later if you want, or can just plan to meet you there around 9-9:15?

[siderea]

9-9:15 is fine. See you there!