juldea | Inter402 is Jason

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Inter402 is Jason

Inter402 (11:36:16 PM): you're trying to pin the blame on something
Inter402 (11:36:30 PM): and you're very skeptical of getting outside help besides your friends or yourself
Inter402 (11:36:36 PM): I think that's a mistake
Inter402 (11:36:42 PM): on both counts
Inter402 (11:36:57 PM): first because you're trying to find one single problem to nail down, and it's probably a lot of things
Inter402 (11:37:17 PM): secondly, because none of the people you are asking for advice are people who should be giving you the kind of advice you really need

Discuss. No, really. Someone write a comment, please. One that relates to this discussion.

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if jason knows the kind of advice you really need, fantastic.

i mean, yeah, it apparently hasn't done a whole lot of good to talk everything through with people so far, so another approach maybe would seem to be in order? what do you have to lose?

It seems like you're the person who got closing to discussing what I actually wanted everyone to discuss. Guess I wasn't clear, or something.

I am afraid that I will spend time, money, and hope in people who are supposed to be "professional" and "educated" in human psychology, only to be told to go to church, and quit resisting conformity. I'm afraid that they won't say this right out - they'll get my trust first, and slowly shape me into something I don't want to be, so slow that I don't realize it until it's happened.

I'm an elitist, I know that. It's something goldbug was semi-talking about in the car the other day. The people I hang out with are not "people", they're not the mass. Maybe we're not "better" than everyone else, but we're certainly different - we're more book-intelligent, we see different solutions to problems, we don't follow the "regular" course of what people should do (we move to Berkeley, and get piercings, and have relationships over the internet, and change our major one semester before graduating. and much much more).

I doubt I will find a psychologist who understands and groks this kind of lifestyle and belief system. I will go in with big hopes that they will be able to help me, and those hopes will be crushed because their solutions will have nothing to do with my life.

That is why I look to my friends for help, and don't want to look elsewhere.

whoa, that's totally strange. there are tons of different therapists out there. if you get one that tells you to go to church to fix your problems, or one who doesn't take you seriously, find a new one. i don't think that that is anywhere near a valid reason to avoid professional help.

Yeah, but it's how I feel. Maybe it's because of my job or something, but I just can't trust people to be intelligent unless 1) I meet them through an intelligent friend, or 2) I get to know them well enough to know they're intelligent. Heh.

In a gross display of tactlessness Im going to tell you the one thing you probably need to hear that no one has the nerve to say for fear of upsetting you more:

Pull your finger out

In case your not familiar with that term, its aussie for stop whining about it and do somethign to change it. Complaing will do nothign to fix the situation, and when it comes down to it, the only person who can make things better is you.

That said, I still luvs you a bunch, so chin up and get your act together.

C.

woo for somebody less subtle than me.

corch, you rock.

Yes, and look at where it gets him.

Everyone really loves saying that, but I have yet to see a person give me any constructive critism and ideas about what to do. If you want to sit on the sidelines and cheer like a fan, go for it, but I prefer my friends to be the kind that help.
Maybe you know what it's like. Maybe you don't - people are different. All I know is I'm sitting here with a problem that I don't even begin to start to understand, and you say "fix it" while you sit and smile and wait for the results. Well, fuck that.

i don't think corch meant "you obviously know what to do, now do it!"
so let me go out on a limb and risk getting torn to pieces for being wrong. the way i interpreted his comment is that sitting around and talking about wanting things to be different isn't going to make them different. so go get a therapist, or medication, or drugs, or anonymous sex, or a change of environment, or a sex change, or WHATEVER might make you happy. just DO something about it. i mean, doing nothing hasn't worked so far, has it?

Hmm.... sex change.

Jewls, you missed the whole point of my post. I cant tell you what to do. Rachel cant. Goldbug Cant, And Jason cant. No one can, YOU are the only person in your life who can decide what is best for you. We have tried to be supportive, give advice where it was asked for and you have acted on none of it. Which is why Im telling you to pull your finger out. By the sounds of things you do alot of complaining, and yet you take no action to make things different. You can sit there and say you have no choice in the matter but you ALWAYS have a choice, the question is whether you can bear the consaquences of that choice. Dropping out of school might seem like its not an option but in choosing to do nothing you choose to accept being stressed and broke and if you cant deal with that thne you have to choose to accept somethign else, whether it be a extra semester in school later or selling your car to ease the finances...The point is you ALWAYS have a choice, YOU have the power to make your life better, no one else does. If you are waiting for someone to come along and just make everythign better you'll be waiting the rest of your life.

I guess all of that sounds a bit harsh. I do still care about you alot julia but you post more stuff on your journal than anyone else ive seen, you tell us about many aspects of your life, you invite the criticism yourself. We're not doing it to make you unhappy, we're trying to help, and since being soft and supportive didnt seem to work, i figure its time for some tough love :)

C.

I agree.

I don't post here to be criticized.

Im sure thats not what you WANT, but you cant expect to post the thing you do, provide so much detail about your life, and not have people make judgements on you actions, expecially if you are constanly asking them for advice. You are the on who choose to air the things you do in a somewhat public forum, if you didnt want feed back you wouldnt. But if you expect people to sugar coat their words to you rather than be honest, theyre never going to tell you the things you need to hear, only what you want to hear.

C.

i wish i knew how i could help you with your unhappiness. but i don't really know what's supposed to work in general, so i'll tell you what helped me. this will be a list with no particular significance to the order, so i think i will make it a bulleted list. except i don't remember the html for that offhand so i'll do it in a ghetto text way.

* friends who kept on being my friend even though i'm sure i was a drag, who kept dragging me out (literally and figuratively) to do the stuff i needed to get done, and to do fun things.

* antidepressants.

* time.

* acid. (i really debated actually listing that, but hey...my parents aren't reading this, and anyone else who has a problem with it can go suck on a log.) it was instrumental in helping me realize that the world is a beautiful place. (this is also the "not necessarily recommended as a good solution to anyone" thing on the list.)

* travel. seeing new places and getting different perspectives.

* figuring out what i really want to do in life. this was in some sense part of the unhappiness problem, and also a problem unto itself with many things contributing to its solution.

* trying to do things my way, and not the "normal" way that the rest of the world expects me to take. moving away from obligations and expectations that weren't constructive.

and that's what i can think of at the moment.

Thank you for being helpful.

Certainly the first one I -seem- like I have... Sometimes. Rachel used to do a very good job of getting me out of bed, but she's not here anymore.

Time will happen whether I want it to or not...

And everything else takes time. Time for me at the moment means money - in 2 months, I'll start making more money, and can do things with it. Maybe see a doctor and go on anti-depressants, but as Jason and I discussed, I'm wary of psychiatrists (which was REALLY what I wanted everyone to discuss, but no one seems to understand anything I write or say these days). Going to Boston next summer will be good travel, with new experiences mixed up with old.

But what gets to happen while I wait for all of that time? Do I lie in bed? Work to make enough money to sustain myself and my responsibilities? How do I get over the humps now, as well as make them never come back?

Acid would be my last-ditch resort if none of the others worked first ;)

much as i approve of it in general, i don't suggest spending TOO much time in bed when you're unhappy. get out and do stuff to distract yourself and maybe get cheered up when you are unhappy. bed should be a happy-time lovely sleepy luxurious place. and sometimes it's okay to curl up there when you are unhappy and fall asleep and wake up to betterness.

But it's warm and comfortable. It's a great place for escaping and passing time. Not all I do in bed is sleep - I read a lot too.

I can't speak for most people, but I get depressed from spending a lot of time in bed. if on a saturday I sleep until 2:00, I feel depressed when I wake up, like I've been wasteful.

as for therapists, I have mixed feelings about them. if I honestly felt like I would benefit from seeing one to the tune of the amount I would pay to see one, then I would probably go. they may not know all about you from a couple of meetings, but most of the psychologists I have known have very good at what they do, and tend to understand people, not just a specific kind of person, and would be able to help. I've considered going before, but managed to suffer my depression through its low and no longer feel the need (interestingly enough, about 6 months later I learned that depression runs in my family). I wouldn't hesitate if I found myself in that place again. one thing I would keep in mind: if I don't feel like they're being helpful, I don't have to go. you don't sign a contract saying "I will come to you for n months" or anything. quit if you don't like the person you're seeing. if you can't trust him or her, that's alright. you can keep looking until you find someone that makes you comfortable. I always thought that was reassuring.

referring to goldbug's comment, though, elise went to a scary therapist who thought that all her problems were due to a poor relationship with God. I would avoid those people like the plague.

re: the very last paragraph

don't worry, I plan on it ;)

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