Last is polygamy. Polygamy promotes contentment and avoids boredom. It also supports interest, though not as much as promiscuity or short-term monogamy. Of course, there's a catch: Jealousy. Because in a polygamous relationship, the causes of jealousy will generally be people you already know, jealousy can have much more catastrophic effects. Polygamy is a balancing act. If the flow of love between all the participants isn't balanced, there will be trouble. This is especially tough to manage when the participants are heterosexual, so love can only be transferred efficiently through male-female links. This greatly reduces the total number of links, and makes more steps to get from one person to another.
I feel like I should be writing a simulation with cellular automata to decide which way is best. Long-term monogamy seems simplest and safest, but when it goes wrong, it causes by far the most hurt. Actually, though I may claim that... The complete breakup of a long-term polygamous relationship could be worse. I've never known any.
In the end, what is the best way depends on the people involved. It's best to choose the relationship type that systematically reduces the negative emotion to which you are the most sensitive and provides the positive emotion which you are least able to provide for yourself. It's also very important that you make sure your partners have the same bent as you, especially for long-termers.
Personally, I think well-balanced long-term polygamy would be a wonderful thing, especially for a group of bisexual people. Unfortunately, I'm heterosexual and fairly prone to jealousy, so it's long-term monogamy for me.
I found what you wrote extremely interesting.. I tend towards short term monogamy but I can see the almost ineviable problems in each paradigm.. love hurts, but without the lows you don't get the highs either - that's the real choice, I think. To bare all and brave the hurt and move on and trust new people or retreat and protect but never feel that extreme joy that comes with total closeness and love.
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ninetydegrees
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on 1 Oct 2001 14:27 (UTC)I feel like I should be writing a simulation with cellular automata to decide which way is best. Long-term monogamy seems simplest and safest, but when it goes wrong, it causes by far the most hurt. Actually, though I may claim that... The complete breakup of a long-term polygamous relationship could be worse. I've never known any.
In the end, what is the best way depends on the people involved. It's best to choose the relationship type that systematically reduces the negative emotion to which you are the most sensitive and provides the positive emotion which you are least able to provide for yourself. It's also very important that you make sure your partners have the same bent as you, especially for long-termers.
Personally, I think well-balanced long-term polygamy would be a wonderful thing, especially for a group of bisexual people. Unfortunately, I'm heterosexual and fairly prone to jealousy, so it's long-term monogamy for me.
no subject
on 3 Oct 2001 01:19 (UTC)