open definition - boyfriend/girlfriend

[juldea]

What's the definition of boyfriend/girlfriend?

I'd like quantity in response to this, even at expense of quality. If you can take the time to drop a comment, even if it's just one word, I'd appreciate it a lot. You don't even have to continue reading if you have a response right now and no time to continue - just drop me what you have and go do what you need to do.

To clarify: Most people, as far as I know, don't associate dating with being in love. Those states are independent from each other; they just happen to overlap in the right circumstances. Therefore, 'love' isn't part of the definition of dating.

If I take out that emotional tie completely, I get two (or more) people who enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, care about each other's well-being and happiness... and engage in some kind of physical activity that society generally reserves for such relationships (whether it's just kissing or goes on to much more depends on the individual).

But... that's the definition of 'friends with benefits' (using the real-life definition (not the LJ definition) of friend). Friends enjoy each other's company, have some similar interests, and care about each other's well-being and happiness. And benefits are the physical activities that are generally reserved for boy/girlfriend-and-up relationships.

So what's the midpoint? What state stands between a 'friend with benefits' and, uh, a 'loved person'? What am I missing as part of the definition that, in your mind, makes the relationships different?

I imagine (because I've already thought of it, and one other person has already suggested it) that many people are going to say, "Exclusivity." But, well, in the polyamorous society that is Cambridge/Somerville and most of the groups I hang out with now, that's not an acceptible answer. Dating one person doesn't mean you can't date/'benefit from' another, to many people. Therefore it isn't a part of the definition - at least not if the definition is universal. Which I guess leads me to:

Special bonus question: Is this definition universal, or does each individual have to define it for him/herself?

Comments

Maybe not

[cristovau.livejournal.com]

Friends-with-benefits is a planned dead end.

I know people who started as friends with benefits and are now married (well, still unofficially, groom & groom). But you are most likely right, they didn't expect much at the start... ...they expected an end and it never happened.

And yet, I know people who expect abreak up when one goes to college or abroad, and still use boyfriend/girlfriend.

Re: Maybe not

[shogunhb.livejournal.com]

Friends-with-benefits is a planned dead end.

The operative word is "planned". Anything that happens unplanned is not my fault ;)

As for people who use BF/GF when they know there's no potential there... it's probably because they're in love... those poor deluded fools.

Re: Maybe not

[cristovau.livejournal.com]

The operative word is "planned".

My point exactly. Friends with benefits tend to be unplanned entirely. Regularly without a commitment to continue, but also no planned ending. It isn't like, "Okay, we stop having sex on April 13th." It's more a case of whatever keeps working. The major difference seems to be they don't want to apply a social stigma or cultural expectation in their relationship.

And I'd agree that the people who hang on past hope are probably in a form of love, denial, or extended mutual mourning.

Re: Maybe not

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I'd say that in the second case, it's a breakup forced upon the relationship by external stuff, and they consider that if the external stuff weren't happening they'd continue in the relationship without an end....