Musings on Relationships

[juldea]

When I am in love with andor dating someone, everyone knows. I am a touchy-feely affectionate person. I hold hands with my boy, snuggle him, and kiss him publicly. I also get very happy about the start of the relationship, and make sure all my friends know about it because I love sharing happy news.

Of course we are snuggly and lovey in private, and with our close friends. But that also extends to the public. We (at least me) would have to consciously try to stop our actions of romance, and what reason is there for it? Should we hide the fact that we're in love? Is there something wrong with being affectionate in public? I certainly don't think so.

The reason why I'm saying all this is that I'm just very confused by Brendan and Kate's approach at their relationship. They're not hiding it from anyone. I keep wondering about that and asking them, but they're not. They don't care who knows. But yet, somehow, they act like they're trying to hide it.

Lots of people didn't know they were dating until recently. Certainly people who were close friends and would SEE them knew, but close friends who didn't see them together had no way of knowing, or friends who were semi-close but never saw the two of them together... and certainly not anyone passing by on the street.

Like I said, I know they're not hiding it. But why wait until someone asks? It seems like whenever I have happy news, I don't want people to randomly find out about it in an unknown period of time - I want to share the news! Guess what, we're a couple! Isn't it great!?!?!

Also, they don't act couple-y in public. Once again, I'm sure it's not a hiding thing. But why, if you're super-snuggly in private, not be so in public? What does make you stop? Does it not seem appropriate?

I'm not trying to say anyone is wrong, I'm just trying to understand differences. :)

I got very confused because I didn't know if I was supposed to surpress any comments about their relationship around her family and her friends, because they weren't saying anything about it or showing any affection in public. I didn't know what was going on at all... Because neither did they tell me, "Don't tell her parents! It's a secret!" Finally last night I came out with my confusion, and while I think I know how to act from here on out, I still don't understand the workings of their... workings.

So, anyone else have relationship styles, or comments on the two already described?

Comments

[baronbrian.livejournal.com]

Well I know that in some cases people just don't like showing affection in public. It's just something that's not comfortable to them. I know I don't mind showing affection in public but I know a few people who do have a problem and they had perfectly good relationships. Go figure.

[zenandtheart.livejournal.com]

Interesting post. Corch and I used to talk about this sort of thing a bit. I'm not a PDA (public display of affection) kind of person but he is. What holds me back? A few things: my upbringing - my family were never very touchy-feely, so I started out not being very used to it anyway. Then there is the fact that I don't particular like watching people snogging etc in public.. which is probably linked to the whole family thing anyway. I'm getting over it a bit, but I was always the kind of person who was at least semi-concious of people around me and I don't generally want to subject them to displays of kissyness. Some people are more embarrassed than me by that, and it does kind of remind people who aren't in a relationship of what they're missing. And while you see it as sharing, others might see it as flaunting - I don't but it's a possibility I guess. I would also think that some people might not imagine anyone else would be interested, or that it doesn't really concern other people.
I never used to tell my parents about my relationships because they never asked, but in the past year or two I've realised that my mother, at least, was interested, she just didn't want to intrude and thought I would tell her if I wanted to. So I've started sharing more about my private life with her and it's brought us a bit closer, I think. But I reckon you can tell a lot about a person's relationship 'style' by looking at their parents - they either have a lot in common or the complete opposite.. but that's just a theory:)

i was taught well

[eor1312.livejournal.com]

rachel was very clear in high school that there was to be no PDA because it was awkward and uncomfortable to those around you. SO i was never terribly a PDA person, but i am really glad that I am that way because i hate it when relationships change with friends because you got a boyfriend/girlfriend and people dont want to hang out because it makes them uncomfortable to sit and be around it. everyone always expects that people will be yucky PDA and they are usually very grateful when you arent. So the combination of my dad working at my high school and rachel being very clear, iam not a PDA person particularly

[(Anonymous)]

i personally usually am pretty affectionate in public, but lately i am realizing how rude and annoying it can be to other people. or maybe its just me being lonely, but i get so sick of seeing people all huggy kissy on the bus, especially when they're about two centimetres away from me. so i elbow them a lot. i don't mind seeing people hold hands, it's really cute actually, but ugh it's so gross when people suck face right out in the open. who likes to hear those smacking kissy noises? especially if they're not the ones making them..

krink

Re: i was taught well

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Well, of course, there's a fine line to being a PDA-ey couple and ignoring those around you to just be snuggly. I think Jason and I do a good job of balancing along that line. We walk around and interact and talk to friends, just every now and then we throw a kiss into the works. And not a sucky-face kiss :)

But yes, I see what you mean.