family and my monkeysphere

[juldea]

I had the revelation earlier that my family is not in my monkeysphere. And yeah, I feel bad about this, because my background and culture says that one should have their families in their monkeyspheres. But... they're just not. :/ Every few weeks, I'll have a sudden thought of, "Oh, it's Mom's birthday soon," or, "Hm, I haven't talked to my father in a while," and I'll absolutely make plans to send a card or make a phone call, but an hour later I will have forgotten and won't remember again for another few weeks, when I will feel guilty for having forgotten. And boy, I am certainly in their monkeyspheres, so they think about me all the time or something. It's an interesting disparity and one that doesn't do anything to make me feel like a good person. Blegh.

It's getting close to Christmas, and my one thought of visiting my brother and sister-in-law for Dec 25 fell through because I didn't pursue it enough before they made other plans. Now I don't know if I should offer to my father that I could go visit his family if he went halvsies on the tickets with me, or just shrug and spend Christmas here. The holiday doesn't mean anything to me, and the visiting... I look forward to it, but not THAT much? I dunno. It's a holiday, and that's nice, and going on trips is fun, but I guess there's nothing in particular about visiting my dad that I look forward to. Although visiting my little half-brother would be fun.

I bet I'm not at all the first person to consider naming my LJ friends page "the monkeysphere."

Comments

[laura47.livejournal.com]

i honestly think i probably have a monkeysphere of over 150. But i am a relentlessly social and empathetic and extroverted, and i cry over people dying on other continents and i stop to let pedestrians cross the street when i don't need to. "blah blah blah i am better than this model". I just invited over 100 people to a party that i selected by name on facebook. and that's nowhere near all the people i care about. i guess i could make a list if i really cared. (this is part of why i am terrified of having a wedding, i would want it to be ginormous)

[contradictacat.livejournal.com]

Hm. and in contrast to laura47, I probably have a smaller-than-normal monkeysphere. My parents aren't in it (or they're on the very very edges of it), but at the same time, there's not a lot of people that are in it to 'crowd them out'. I think my monkeysphere kind of operates as a function of time- give it long enough, and you're not people anymore, you're 'that guy from that time'. I might know intellectually what they've been doing and such, but there's a bit of me that's surprised that they didn't just stop existing or their life didn't just stop when my interaction with them stopped.

Maybe there's a problem with me. I don't know.

[rigel.livejournal.com]

. . . whereas my monkeysphere changes more rapidly. Often I'll take people into my monkeysphere very quickly, possibly ousting people on the fringes already, and if it doesn't work out, there are more people to potentially monkeysphere.

And hm. My mom is in my monkeysphere. And my stepfather, siblings and grandmother sort of are. But these are all edges of said sphere.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know what the size of my monkeysphere is, but I totally understand your dilemma there! I think yours is probably bigger than mine, though. Hee.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

*pets* There's no problem with you. That's how people work. I think I'm the same, in fact - "I'm no longer in your life. You still exist?"

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Always more people to add to the monkeysphere! :)

[anitra.livejournal.com]

I understand. I consider myself to have a very small family (basically just my mom and dad), and they're still on the very edges of my "monkeysphere". Heck, we forgot to send them invitations to our WEDDING, because I figured they already knew what was going on...

I envy nightskyre's closeness with his family, although when I compare it to other people I know, he's still not all that close - he talks to various family members maybe twice a week and we see them in person 4-6 times a year. I'm doing really well if I initiate conversations with each of my parents more than once a month. The "rest" of my family (my mom's side), I talk to a couple times a year, and I see them at Christmas. (My dad's family... the last time I talked to most of them was four years ago when I got married. There have been deaths, births, and weddings since then, and I've barely noticed.)

I will ashamedly admit that having a baby has brought me much closer to my mom, and a bit closer to my dad. I see my in-laws more often now, too. Without nightskyre, I'd probably be estranged from my family simply from lack of effort.

[alexx-kay.livejournal.com]

My dad (and mom, when she was still alive) are near the borders of my 'sphere. I couldn't say for sure whether they were in or out. I decided decades ago that all my extended relatives were definitively out.

Tangentially, I'm starting to think I should put cracked.com into my daily rotation. I'm seeing good links to them at about the frequency that I once used to see links to The Onion.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the extended relatives are out. I don't mind hearing about their marriages/divorces/kids, but it definitely doesn't affect my life.

thetathx1138 on my flist writes for Cracked sometimes. :)

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I probably talk to the members of my immediately family once a month on average. Sometimes it's much longer. It's less long lately because they know londo broke up with me, so they keep checking up. :P

But yeah. Lack of effort. Which is not quite lack of care, but lack of... well, just effort. Heh.