Chris Rock speaks truth

[juldea]

Relationships: easy to get into, hard to maintain. Why are they so hard to maintain? ' Cause at some point you just stop talking. That's right, everybody stops talking after a while. You know how it is. You come home and you start nodding. "Yeah, we cool. I'm gonna get a little something to eat."

Why do you stop talking? 'Cause at some point, you have heard everything this person has to say, and it makes you sick to your stomach. You know what they're gonna say before it even comes out their mouth, and you just wanna stab them in the neck with a pencil! Your can't take the shit no more! And they're like, "Remember that time?"

"Yeah, I remember that time!"
"I ever tell you about--"
"Yeah, you told me about that time! Stop telling me the same shit over and over again! Why don't you go out and get kidnapped, have some new shit happen to you?"

That's right. Fellas, you gotta talk. That's women's biggest complaint: "You don't talk." That's right. Women love to talk. If they had talking in the Olympics, a man wouldn't stand a chance. Women love to talk, but they wanna talk to you. They wanna talk to their man. But women don't want you to talk-talk. Women just want you to listen-listen. All a woman really wants you to do is ask her the correct questions that will allow her to run her fucking mouth! You set her up, she'll knock them down.

Fellas, you want your woman to be happy? All you got to say is, "How was your day?"

"Honey, how was your day?"

Know why? 'Cause "How was your day?" is a 30-minute conversation to a woman. And as a man, you don't really gotta talk. You gotta just act like you're talking. "Get out of here. Go on! I don't believe it. You don't say! Really? Get out of here! Go on. I don't believe it. You don't say? Get out of here. I told you that bitch crazy!"

You gotta throw in, "I told you that bitch crazy." You know why? 'Cause every woman's got another woman at her job that she can't stand. Women, y'all exaggerate everything. You turn it into some Dynasty shit, like: "She's trying to destroy me!" What the fuck are you talking about? You wrap up bags at J.C. Penney's! What's she doing, ripping up your paper?

Fellas, you gotta talk. Women, exact opposite. Y'all gotta learn when not to talk. That's right. You ever notice how no man comes home straight from work? No man comes home straight from work. A man get off work, he got to go somewhere. He got to drink something, he got to smoke something, he got to watch the game, he got to hang with his boys, he got to take a drive. He got to do something that will mentally prepare him for all the talking he gonna hear when he get home.

Ladies, it ain't that you talk too much. You just talk too much as soon as we get in the fucking door. Let a man get situated. We don't need to hear everything right away. Soon as you take one step in, "You're not gonna believe this...." Let me get my other foot in the fucking door! Let me get something to eat! Let me get something to drink! Let me take a shit! Go in the fucking kitchen and get me my big piece of chicken!

Comments

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Of course, the big piece of chicken line only makes sense in the context of the rest of the monologue, but yes, yes indeed.

[crimson5.livejournal.com]

Hrmmm...given how much trouble I have getting into a relationship....I'm doomed? Course, someone talking doesn't bother me, since I can relegate it to background noise and never hear it again for hours. Oh wait, you mean I gotta listen.......

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I'd say that the big piece of chicken line is only FUNNY in the context of the rest. Otherwise it's still a sensical comment, if a little out of left field.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Just remember the magic words! "Mmm-hmm, you don't say! No really? I told you she was a crazy bitch!" ;)

[tank182.livejournal.com]

I've much of what you say to be true only in my case it seems that the gender roles were reversed most of the time. I've always loved talking but sometimes people getting tired of listening to my ramble.

I think Pink Floyd put it best.

"all we have to do is keep talking"

[alexx-kay.livejournal.com]

Women, y'all exaggerate everything.

kestrell prefers the term "prevaricate". But, yes.

[zenandtheart.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of truth in there! Except that in my case the roles are quite often reversed. I like to come home, check my lj, check my plants, wander around then sit down and cuddle and talk. Trav would rather my genes were spliced with a golden retriever's so I jumped all over him and licked his face as soon as he walked in the door.

[gaffman.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA Fucking WORD. Now go get me a big piece of chicken! ;P

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Well, you know. My boss doesn't actually want to destroy me. She just hates me. ;)

[tramissa.livejournal.com]

Ha! I'm definitely not your typical woman then.

When walking in the door and when waking up, I need at least 30 mins of not having to talk before I'll even consider talking/listening. Unless it's important, you break that, you get seriously grumpy me.

[tramissa.livejournal.com]

Trav would rather my genes were spliced with a golden retriever's so I jumped all over him and licked his face as soon as he walked in the door.



Love it!

[eustacia42.livejournal.com]

I love that routine.

[etherial.livejournal.com]

I was in a relationship once. Maintaining it was easy, all I had to do was never be available.

[londo.livejournal.com]

This is why I like Weight Watchers.

I mean, it pretty much guarantees me the big piece of chicken.

[aurora-thelbine.livejournal.com]

yes but steven hawking said it best...

[tank182.livejournal.com]

I'm sure Roger Waters would have said it had he still been in the band by that point.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

...

[juldea.livejournal.com]

♥

[etherfinker.livejournal.com]

Our culture seems only to be able to hear the truth (if at all) when it is presented in a setting where we can laugh at it. George Carlin - The Great Sage Of Our Times - who of course has Lenny Bruce to thank for blazing the trail; many comedians do, I guess - Chris Rock, Bill Maher, Dave Chappelle, The Daily Show... I hear far more reasonable and straightforward commentary about society from people labeled as comedians than from the people who are supposed to be taken seriously. Then again, maybe that's how it's always been.

[juldea.livejournal.com]

Amen, brother.