hmm

[juldea]

should I be the one taking the initiative, and saying "let's not talk about happy stuff, I'm really upset and fucked up and want to talk about it"?

I mean, everyone says "yes I've read your livejournal", and then they go on to talk about inane happy shit.

I don't want to pretend to be happy. That's what happens every other time, I start to feel better and I just forget that anything is wrong and start acting like everything is okay, and nothing gets changed. I certainly don't know what to fucking do...

It's sucky because there's movies going on at Karen's that I could go and pretend to watch and be into and act like nothing's going wrong, but I'd be lying. Something is wrong.

I'll just go to bed.

Comments

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

well, i know i just assume that you'll bring it up if you want to talk about it, whatever "it" may be. i think of you as a fairly private person, and i always just think that you'll be more comfortable bringing up problems on your own if you want to talk to me about them. maybe other people think the same way?

Re:

[juldea.livejournal.com]

I understand. It seems different to me - seems like no one cares and wants to talk about anything and help me. But I'm at least still able to recognize that as not a true thought, and what you said makes sense. I guess when I'm upset I do bounce between wanting to talk and talk and talk about it, and not wanting to think about it at all. Depends on how it affects me, I guess.

The problem is, I want people who know what to tell me, that will help, to talk to me. And I want that to be my friends, but maybe it's not.

[ex-dervish821.livejournal.com]

as much as we love you, we're not trained to deal with this sort of thing. it's not only "normal" people who benefit from talking with psychologists or psychaitrists. i mean, i didn't really care for the therapist i had, but she couldn't have cared less that i was dating a girl, or didn't shave my legs, or anything. she was just there to try to help me deal with stuff.