juldea: (mishakal)
Today is a weird day. I am, all in all, in a pretty damn good mood. I feel I got enough sleep, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (as the saying goes), I have new purpley plaid socks, I have a grip on my schedule for the next week - all should be well, yes?

But as I was sitting alone in the company owner's office installing the new print server on his computer (yay, we have a new printer that was made in the last decade!) I suddenly was hit with the I'm old and fat and ugly and no one loves me and no one wants to join me for the amazing traveling roadshow wedding and have fat smart blue-eyed babies with me and grow old and grey by my side and WAHHHH blues. Harumph.

This ties into some other introspection I was doing lately: I was washing dishes with the radio on, which is about the only time I listen to broadcast radio anymore, and a new pop song came on that sampled "Sweet Home Alabama" pretty heavily in a way that was integral to the song itself. (lyrics) The song is about one's heady, heavy high school andor youth loves and looking back on them, and when listening to this song while doing dishes, it descended upon me in a way that nothing has in a while that that time is past. I am out of the running for love like that. I'm too old, too jaded, too world-weary and heartbroken. Sure, I'll fall in love again, but it won't be like that.

Then of course I reminisce about the ones that were like that. Going out to the Ridge with Lewie and dancing outside his car to whatever that damn Romeo & Juliet song was I've never been able to find since. Lying to my parents about having early band section rehearsal so that I could sneak over to Nick's house between 6:30 and 7:00am before school to fool around. Gary doing one of the most romantic things a boyfriend has ever done for me - after a day we went to the mall and fooled around and I tried on a dress that looked absolutely gorgeous but I had no business buying and nowhere to wear it, being presented with it on Valentine's Day along with tickets to the opera so I'd have someplace to wear it. (Fucking fuckass dry cleaners that later ruined the dress.) Sitting in Boston Common with Jason on a bench, foreheads pressed together in young love strong enough that a passer-by with a camera stopped and asked us if he could take our picture for a photobook of Boston he was creating.

And I think that was it. Something about every relationship after Jason is... less idealistic. Older, more grounded, more aware that True Love doesn't solve every problem, and that relationships involve pain and work and sacrifice. And really, all I can say to this is a line stolen from Into the Woods: "Isn't it nice to know a lot? And a little bit... not."
juldea: (mishakal)
Today is a weird day. I am, all in all, in a pretty damn good mood. I feel I got enough sleep, I'm bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (as the saying goes), I have new purpley plaid socks, I have a grip on my schedule for the next week - all should be well, yes?

But as I was sitting alone in the company owner's office installing the new print server on his computer (yay, we have a new printer that was made in the last decade!) I suddenly was hit with the I'm old and fat and ugly and no one loves me and no one wants to join me for the amazing traveling roadshow wedding and have fat smart blue-eyed babies with me and grow old and grey by my side and WAHHHH blues. Harumph.

This ties into some other introspection I was doing lately: I was washing dishes with the radio on, which is about the only time I listen to broadcast radio anymore, and a new pop song came on that sampled "Sweet Home Alabama" pretty heavily in a way that was integral to the song itself. (lyrics) The song is about one's heady, heavy high school andor youth loves and looking back on them, and when listening to this song while doing dishes, it descended upon me in a way that nothing has in a while that that time is past. I am out of the running for love like that. I'm too old, too jaded, too world-weary and heartbroken. Sure, I'll fall in love again, but it won't be like that.

Then of course I reminisce about the ones that were like that. Going out to the Ridge with Lewie and dancing outside his car to whatever that damn Romeo & Juliet song was I've never been able to find since. Lying to my parents about having early band section rehearsal so that I could sneak over to Nick's house between 6:30 and 7:00am before school to fool around. Gary doing one of the most romantic things a boyfriend has ever done for me - after a day we went to the mall and fooled around and I tried on a dress that looked absolutely gorgeous but I had no business buying and nowhere to wear it, being presented with it on Valentine's Day along with tickets to the opera so I'd have someplace to wear it. (Fucking fuckass dry cleaners that later ruined the dress.) Sitting in Boston Common with Jason on a bench, foreheads pressed together in young love strong enough that a passer-by with a camera stopped and asked us if he could take our picture for a photobook of Boston he was creating.

And I think that was it. Something about every relationship after Jason is... less idealistic. Older, more grounded, more aware that True Love doesn't solve every problem, and that relationships involve pain and work and sacrifice. And really, all I can say to this is a line stolen from Into the Woods: "Isn't it nice to know a lot? And a little bit... not."
juldea: (hold me!)
I've learned the way of many of my friends that if I want to be writing more LJ posts, I need to write them on my Treo during transit/downtimes and post them later. Hence, this is being "penned" during my morning walk to work. Hurrah!

(Alternately, I could look up how to post by email, as I have a gmail app. for this thing. I'll have to research which is easiest.)

Every now and then I casually wonder how long it'll take before I bump into Jason ([livejournal.com profile] altair) on the subway one day. Then I'm reminded that there's not a lot of reason to assume he's ever in Boston proper anymore - he didn't leave Brockton for much more than me and school, and he's been (well, should be) done with both for a few years now. So unless he moved into the Greater Boston Area after graduation - and he's a programmer, so it might have happened - he's probably not riding the subway much.

Then, of course, I ponder whether I should send him an email one of these days and try to meet up for dinner or something. Really, though, all I'm looking for there is absolution of all the guilt I've been carrying for all of these years about how badly I handled that breakup. Do I really need to dredge up those old wounds in order to feel better about myself? Isn't this a case where I should just let sleeping dogs lie?

So these are the thoughts - well, a small section of them - on my morning commute. The train is about to pull into Park, so I guess it's time to stop typing.

Note from several days (a week?) later: the issue with making posts this way is I still have to remember to transfer them from my data card to the computer, and apparently HotSynching does not do this for me even though I tell it to. Doh!
juldea: (hold me!)
I've learned the way of many of my friends that if I want to be writing more LJ posts, I need to write them on my Treo during transit/downtimes and post them later. Hence, this is being "penned" during my morning walk to work. Hurrah!

(Alternately, I could look up how to post by email, as I have a gmail app. for this thing. I'll have to research which is easiest.)

Every now and then I casually wonder how long it'll take before I bump into Jason ([livejournal.com profile] altair) on the subway one day. Then I'm reminded that there's not a lot of reason to assume he's ever in Boston proper anymore - he didn't leave Brockton for much more than me and school, and he's been (well, should be) done with both for a few years now. So unless he moved into the Greater Boston Area after graduation - and he's a programmer, so it might have happened - he's probably not riding the subway much.

Then, of course, I ponder whether I should send him an email one of these days and try to meet up for dinner or something. Really, though, all I'm looking for there is absolution of all the guilt I've been carrying for all of these years about how badly I handled that breakup. Do I really need to dredge up those old wounds in order to feel better about myself? Isn't this a case where I should just let sleeping dogs lie?

So these are the thoughts - well, a small section of them - on my morning commute. The train is about to pull into Park, so I guess it's time to stop typing.

Note from several days (a week?) later: the issue with making posts this way is I still have to remember to transfer them from my data card to the computer, and apparently HotSynching does not do this for me even though I tell it to. Doh!
juldea: (Default)
Another day of Jason being online only while I'm on the phone with a customer for half an hour, and having to leave for work about 2 minutes before I get off the phone. Damn the man. Or rather, Damn that Faith and Christy. Anyway.

In other news...

I got my Pokemons! Of course, the person jsut send me the game boy cartridge, no manual or anything, but I don't think Pokemon is that hard to figure out. If there are any special button combinations I should know, Rachel can fill me in. ;)

As things go, I didn't get my Pokemons until after a trip to Hastings, where I found out I could rent books on tape! For only $2 for 4 days! So I rented the 3rd Harry Potter book, The Prisoner of Azkaban, and have been listening to it. I have kept myself from playing Pokemon while I have it, since I only have 4 days to listen to the book whereas I now have FOREVER to play Pokemon! Well, I have gotten Pikachu to level 10 already though. :)

I tried Game X-Change to see if they had a (fear, I almost just typed "study guide") game manual for Pokemon, but the only one they had cost $7 and well, I have $4 left for the week. Next week. :)

After leaving Game X-Change, in my car, I saw a very cute, young (as in about 15) boy walking by. He was holding a 2-liter of Coke, and was very gangly and had a kind of shaggy bowl haircut. He walked like so many of my male friends used to walk when they were 15, I can't really explain it. I wanted to pull over and give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him that when he got older, there would be girls like me who fell in love with skinny cute computer/video gaming boys. I figured that would freak him out, though, so I just drove on.
juldea: (Default)
Another day of Jason being online only while I'm on the phone with a customer for half an hour, and having to leave for work about 2 minutes before I get off the phone. Damn the man. Or rather, Damn that Faith and Christy. Anyway.

In other news...

I got my Pokemons! Of course, the person jsut send me the game boy cartridge, no manual or anything, but I don't think Pokemon is that hard to figure out. If there are any special button combinations I should know, Rachel can fill me in. ;)

As things go, I didn't get my Pokemons until after a trip to Hastings, where I found out I could rent books on tape! For only $2 for 4 days! So I rented the 3rd Harry Potter book, The Prisoner of Azkaban, and have been listening to it. I have kept myself from playing Pokemon while I have it, since I only have 4 days to listen to the book whereas I now have FOREVER to play Pokemon! Well, I have gotten Pikachu to level 10 already though. :)

I tried Game X-Change to see if they had a (fear, I almost just typed "study guide") game manual for Pokemon, but the only one they had cost $7 and well, I have $4 left for the week. Next week. :)

After leaving Game X-Change, in my car, I saw a very cute, young (as in about 15) boy walking by. He was holding a 2-liter of Coke, and was very gangly and had a kind of shaggy bowl haircut. He walked like so many of my male friends used to walk when they were 15, I can't really explain it. I wanted to pull over and give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him that when he got older, there would be girls like me who fell in love with skinny cute computer/video gaming boys. I figured that would freak him out, though, so I just drove on.
juldea: (Default)
So yesterday afternoon there was no need for me to go to the Nielson lab, so I just went home. It was around 6pm and I was exhausted, so I took a little nap, until around 8. Then I bummed around my apartment, watched TV, and generally felt unproductive until I did the dishes and made today's dinner. I also made up a budget for this month and next month... I can make no extraneous purchases out of my $70/wk or I won't get bills paid. It's kind of nice to see that my pay from the last week of work leaves me with about $500 surplus, but due to the fact that next month I will need to have $325 to start out with to even pay bills (due to at least one week of non-lab pay, next week), as well as needing to buy books and get an oil change for my car, that surplus is pretty non-existant. So no thai food or movies for me for a while. Or clothes.

I got off track. Anyway, I went to bed again at 11, and woke up at 9. Threw on some clothes and drove to the lab, risking another parking ticket. I cleaned the lab (threw away tons of papers, cleaned out the recycling white paper bin (put it all in the big bin in the hallway), cleaned out the Lost and Found, and wiped down all the tables) and began unpacking the new computers! They are sexy and black. 17" flat screen monitors, zip drives, combo DVD/CD-RW drives (Bruce made a joke about people copying music, heh), keyboards with all the keys working... it's pretty neat. Oh, 4 USB ports in each too. Nifty.

Came to Saxon after getting 5 computers unpacked and set up... Not many messages, although I hate it when someone feels they have to repeat every part of their message 2-3 times. Got on the mud in time for Jason to say, "Wow, we haven't seen each other much lately, gotta go bye". Hopefully that will change when he goes back to school. Hopefully. I'll have to work around games then instead of work, but they both pull him away the same.

So yeah, the only thing that seems to be working right is that it seems like all the weekend things I have coming up this month are being set for different weekends - dance show this weekend (I'll be working, not dancing), yard sale next, and Dallas mud party the next.
juldea: (Default)
So yesterday afternoon there was no need for me to go to the Nielson lab, so I just went home. It was around 6pm and I was exhausted, so I took a little nap, until around 8. Then I bummed around my apartment, watched TV, and generally felt unproductive until I did the dishes and made today's dinner. I also made up a budget for this month and next month... I can make no extraneous purchases out of my $70/wk or I won't get bills paid. It's kind of nice to see that my pay from the last week of work leaves me with about $500 surplus, but due to the fact that next month I will need to have $325 to start out with to even pay bills (due to at least one week of non-lab pay, next week), as well as needing to buy books and get an oil change for my car, that surplus is pretty non-existant. So no thai food or movies for me for a while. Or clothes.

I got off track. Anyway, I went to bed again at 11, and woke up at 9. Threw on some clothes and drove to the lab, risking another parking ticket. I cleaned the lab (threw away tons of papers, cleaned out the recycling white paper bin (put it all in the big bin in the hallway), cleaned out the Lost and Found, and wiped down all the tables) and began unpacking the new computers! They are sexy and black. 17" flat screen monitors, zip drives, combo DVD/CD-RW drives (Bruce made a joke about people copying music, heh), keyboards with all the keys working... it's pretty neat. Oh, 4 USB ports in each too. Nifty.

Came to Saxon after getting 5 computers unpacked and set up... Not many messages, although I hate it when someone feels they have to repeat every part of their message 2-3 times. Got on the mud in time for Jason to say, "Wow, we haven't seen each other much lately, gotta go bye". Hopefully that will change when he goes back to school. Hopefully. I'll have to work around games then instead of work, but they both pull him away the same.

So yeah, the only thing that seems to be working right is that it seems like all the weekend things I have coming up this month are being set for different weekends - dance show this weekend (I'll be working, not dancing), yard sale next, and Dallas mud party the next.
juldea: (Default)
My car crammed with crazy kids coming back from Elk City (woo alliteration) arrived in Norman at around 4am last night, giving me much reason to have slept until 2 this afternoon. :)

It's now under a week until Jason gets here. *bouncebouncebounce* I had a great dream last night starring him. ;) And, just because you know I know... 152.5 hours!

I'm going to see AI with Randen tonight... I haven't seen any reviews of it yet, anyone know?

Pixel and Matrix have unexpectedly slipped back into a fighting relationship. *sigh*

Last night on some mini-golf course in Elk City, I quoted a lyric from "La Vie Boheme" and Thom picked up on it. We proceeded to finish the song, and in the process finding out that Tiffany didn't know what the heck we were singing. So we started singing Rent to her. All of it. We made it to the middle of "Rent" before we were *cough* reminded that since we were singing and not playing golf, we were holding up the course for the people behind us that wanted to play. From there a few snatches of singing continued, but the mood was broken. It was fun :)

Jason and I are definitely going mini-golfing when he gets here. Does anyone know of a good course around here? With actual moving targets (y'know like windmills) and stuff?

Well I've fed the cats, but not myself, and I'm pretty hungry...
juldea: (Default)
My car crammed with crazy kids coming back from Elk City (woo alliteration) arrived in Norman at around 4am last night, giving me much reason to have slept until 2 this afternoon. :)

It's now under a week until Jason gets here. *bouncebouncebounce* I had a great dream last night starring him. ;) And, just because you know I know... 152.5 hours!

I'm going to see AI with Randen tonight... I haven't seen any reviews of it yet, anyone know?

Pixel and Matrix have unexpectedly slipped back into a fighting relationship. *sigh*

Last night on some mini-golf course in Elk City, I quoted a lyric from "La Vie Boheme" and Thom picked up on it. We proceeded to finish the song, and in the process finding out that Tiffany didn't know what the heck we were singing. So we started singing Rent to her. All of it. We made it to the middle of "Rent" before we were *cough* reminded that since we were singing and not playing golf, we were holding up the course for the people behind us that wanted to play. From there a few snatches of singing continued, but the mood was broken. It was fun :)

Jason and I are definitely going mini-golfing when he gets here. Does anyone know of a good course around here? With actual moving targets (y'know like windmills) and stuff?

Well I've fed the cats, but not myself, and I'm pretty hungry...
juldea: (Default)
194 and 1/3 hours!
juldea: (Default)
194 and 1/3 hours!
juldea: (Default)
218 hours until Jason arrives!

I've decided that my next collection shall be the Pokemon cartoon episodes on video. They're a little over $3 each, shipping included, from Half.com. By the way, I suggest half.com to anyone buying CDs, videos, DVDs, books, electronics... that kind of stuff. It's like ebay and amazon combined. Good stuff, cheap.

I'm hungry, but I think I should exercise before I eat (I slept through my exercise time this morning). Also I kind of want to go out to eat, but I don't know what's open this late (I want to sit down, not fast food). And of course, I can't pull my rear away from the computer chair to exercise. ;) Jason's on!

I also kind of need a grocery store run. Oh well, Albertson's (where I need to go) is open 24 hours... Except I need to return something. Grr!

Where has Goldbug been?
juldea: (Default)
218 hours until Jason arrives!

I've decided that my next collection shall be the Pokemon cartoon episodes on video. They're a little over $3 each, shipping included, from Half.com. By the way, I suggest half.com to anyone buying CDs, videos, DVDs, books, electronics... that kind of stuff. It's like ebay and amazon combined. Good stuff, cheap.

I'm hungry, but I think I should exercise before I eat (I slept through my exercise time this morning). Also I kind of want to go out to eat, but I don't know what's open this late (I want to sit down, not fast food). And of course, I can't pull my rear away from the computer chair to exercise. ;) Jason's on!

I also kind of need a grocery store run. Oh well, Albertson's (where I need to go) is open 24 hours... Except I need to return something. Grr!

Where has Goldbug been?
juldea: (Default)
Jason will be flying in at 10:30pm July 6th :)
And flying home 6pm July 14th :(

But he will be here! He has tickets! And it's wonderful!!
juldea: (Default)
Jason will be flying in at 10:30pm July 6th :)
And flying home 6pm July 14th :(

But he will be here! He has tickets! And it's wonderful!!
juldea: (Default)
I've noticed that when I write long journal entries, no one replies. Do you guys even read them?

The scholars office says that they can hold my tuition waiver if I ask, so that problem is taken care of.

Jim (my boss) thinks that it would be cool if Ty came back to work the help line for the 5 months I'm gone (if I go). I think that would work because I'm rather sure Ty wouldn't cling to the position and refuse to give it up when I came back. So maybe Ty should read this and think about it.

I woke up before my alarm today, at about 6:50 (alarm was set for 7:30), even though I went to bed near 2:00. I didn't even have anything important I needed to do, besides exercise! I guess I'm just full of energy these days.

I brought my CD walkman to work today and am listening to the Rent soundtrack while there are no calls. Not so loud that I can't hear the phone ring, though. Although I keep catching myself singing out loud and I wonder if other people hear me.

Saxon is going nazi and are going to start regulating piercings (none showing) and dress code (not sure what they're going to do here, but I'm sure it'll be something dumb). Sigh. Who sees me as I answer the phone?

I hope I'm being kissed and snuggled in 2 weeks.
juldea: (Default)
I've noticed that when I write long journal entries, no one replies. Do you guys even read them?

The scholars office says that they can hold my tuition waiver if I ask, so that problem is taken care of.

Jim (my boss) thinks that it would be cool if Ty came back to work the help line for the 5 months I'm gone (if I go). I think that would work because I'm rather sure Ty wouldn't cling to the position and refuse to give it up when I came back. So maybe Ty should read this and think about it.

I woke up before my alarm today, at about 6:50 (alarm was set for 7:30), even though I went to bed near 2:00. I didn't even have anything important I needed to do, besides exercise! I guess I'm just full of energy these days.

I brought my CD walkman to work today and am listening to the Rent soundtrack while there are no calls. Not so loud that I can't hear the phone ring, though. Although I keep catching myself singing out loud and I wonder if other people hear me.

Saxon is going nazi and are going to start regulating piercings (none showing) and dress code (not sure what they're going to do here, but I'm sure it'll be something dumb). Sigh. Who sees me as I answer the phone?

I hope I'm being kissed and snuggled in 2 weeks.
juldea: (Glamorous)
Someone tell me the flaws in this, please, because it's just TOO perfect:

Goldbug is returning to Norman in December, right? But she does not yet have a place to live. I am interested in taking the next semester off, starting in January, yet I don't want to move out of my apartment because I want to return to it after that.

See it yet?

Goldbug can move in with me for a couple of weeks while I'm still here, and then fully take the apartment while I'm gone in the spring... And then when summer rolls around we can figure out what to do ;) Burn that bridge when we come to it, so to speak.

Only problem I can think of is the apartment people saying "she's not enrolled, let's kick her out," yet they didn't do so with Ty... It seems like it takes them a while to realize someone isn't a student anymore, heh. Maybe I should ask big Karen if I take a semester off to work but plan on coming back after that, if I would have to move out? I wouldn't tell her anything about leaving the city or anything, just not enrolling that semester.... *ponder* Or maybe if I do a correspondence course during that time...?

Other than that, it sounds like a great plan! Oh I am getting so happy about this!
juldea: (Glamorous)
Someone tell me the flaws in this, please, because it's just TOO perfect:

Goldbug is returning to Norman in December, right? But she does not yet have a place to live. I am interested in taking the next semester off, starting in January, yet I don't want to move out of my apartment because I want to return to it after that.

See it yet?

Goldbug can move in with me for a couple of weeks while I'm still here, and then fully take the apartment while I'm gone in the spring... And then when summer rolls around we can figure out what to do ;) Burn that bridge when we come to it, so to speak.

Only problem I can think of is the apartment people saying "she's not enrolled, let's kick her out," yet they didn't do so with Ty... It seems like it takes them a while to realize someone isn't a student anymore, heh. Maybe I should ask big Karen if I take a semester off to work but plan on coming back after that, if I would have to move out? I wouldn't tell her anything about leaving the city or anything, just not enrolling that semester.... *ponder* Or maybe if I do a correspondence course during that time...?

Other than that, it sounds like a great plan! Oh I am getting so happy about this!

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